Monday, April 15, 2013

Conquered in small ways

Some things have gotten easier and smoother over the past three or four years.

He sees me - really sees me, the good and the bad.  He reads my moods, knows when i am really engaged and when i'm going through the motions, he knows when i'm content and when i'm enthusiastic, and when i'm full of piss and vinegar on the inside and struggling to be civil on the outside.  He can often see why i am in whatever state i am, predict how i will respond to things.

He knows how to pull out the good, how to overcome the resistance, when to just ignore my little snits, when to hold me strictly accountable.  He knows how to hold me with his hand fisted in my hair, to force himself on me when i try to pull away, and how to be aloof and unattainable when i'm flitting around being silly and demanding his attention.  

He knows how to travel from just us, to us as parents, to all that is outside of us but still important to us.

He knows how to bring me back to him, and he knows how to make me want to be with him more than anything else in the world.  And that is the best of all the feelings:  when the resistance or the confusion, the anger, or the worry all just melt and i am back to being just His.  He knows when that moment happens, it is his goal.  

What i started to write was how wonderful it is, and that i just don't know how he manages to know what i need and when, it's like magic.  But that's not honest.  I have learned, am constantly re-learning, how i need to approach and interact with my children, close friends, other family.  Everyone has different needs and ways of being.  We naturally learn the people we care about, or people we don't if it serves our purposes i suppose.  

I do know how he does it, it isn't magic, it's not even a special Master only skill.  I am learning him and how he responds to me as well.  I try not to behave in ways he doesn't like, I try to read his moods and respond in ways he appreciates for that mood or situation, i try to be more the way he likes, even when that is a new way for me.  

So it isn't magic, we each always had this skill to some degree.  Now we use it more, we practice more,  i think he expects more, i cooperate with him more.   


  1. There is often a lot of hard work, study and practice that makes "magic" happen. This is such a beautiful post greengirl!

    1. Serenity,
      thank you It is work - and i think more so because it is possible to go along not doing the work and be "okay." It takes time to figure out what the right work is, and to see how it bears fruit.

  2. I think the truth is all good magic has a lot of work and skill that goes on behind the scenes to make it happen. The "magic" is just the part we see. So perhaps it is a bit of both.

    1. Sir J - I think you are so right. Maybe the part of the analogy i don't like is that magic is unreal - sleight of hand - deception and misleading. This is not. this is somehow more real, more honest. Maybe magical?

  3. This is so beautifully said. The magic of growing together is beyond any other.