Tuesday, April 23, 2013
My husband is very, very good at compartmentalizing. He has a work box, a family box, a box for him, one for me, lots and lots of boxes. He is able to put things in the appropriate box - and then close it and leave them there.
IRL - what this means is that when he comes home from work he can switch to "home" as soon as he walks in the door. The stress or worries or whatever from work don't impact (read: get taken out on) us. I have to believe the reverse is true - when he's working, he gives it full attention - not distracted by outside issues or concerns.
[I'm given to believe this is a male trait - true or not - it is not a skill i possess - in any measure at all.]
Yesterday and today he has been cranky. This is a big deal because it almost never happens. When there is cause - he gets upset, sometimes very upset, sometimes and with a dire enough reason, he can be frighteningly upset. But he almost never gets cranky for no reason he can identify.
He is out of sorts, edgy, not himself, and unhappy with himself for being this way. He can't identify why, so he can't fix it; it just is. Hmmm - i think i recognize those feelings. And I've learned to turn to him when those kinds of feelings threaten to become overwhelming, I've learned to accept his help in restoring balance.
This is the i wish part: I wish he were willing to use me to work through his crankiness-that-is-really-probably-something deeper. I wish he could have that outlet or that means of relief. I wish it worked for him the way it does for me (in reverse? from his POV?). I wish i could serve him that way.
He knows this. I have offered, i have explained my desire. He has explained his side - he won't mix those feelings and those needs with anger, or frustration, or even crankiness. And i have to respect that, whatever i may wish.
So i offer (to my mind) second best: we have time alone today - a rare enough occurrence - but there will be no play, or really anything. I expected this would be the case. He will work through this his way and he will let me know what, if anything, he wants from me. I accept it, no subtle pouting or remarks or little jabs about it, simple acceptance.