Tuesday, April 23, 2013

I wish....


My husband is very, very good at compartmentalizing.  He has a work box, a family box, a box for him, one for me, lots and lots of boxes.  He is able to put things in the appropriate box - and then close it and leave them there.

IRL - what this means is that when he comes home from work he can switch to "home" as soon as he walks in the door.  The stress or worries or whatever from work don't impact (read: get taken out on) us.  I have to believe the reverse is true - when he's working, he gives it full attention - not distracted by outside issues or concerns.

[I'm given to believe this is a male trait - true or not - it is not a skill i possess - in any measure at all.]

Yesterday and today he has been cranky.  This is a big deal because it almost never happens.  When there is cause - he gets upset, sometimes very upset, sometimes and with a dire enough reason, he can be frighteningly upset.  But he almost never gets cranky for no reason he can identify.

He is out of sorts, edgy, not himself, and unhappy with himself for being this way.  He can't identify why, so he can't fix it; it just is.  Hmmm - i think i recognize those feelings.  And I've learned to turn to him when those kinds of feelings threaten to become overwhelming, I've learned to accept his help in restoring balance.

This is the i wish part:  I wish he were willing to use me to work through his crankiness-that-is-really-probably-something deeper.  I wish he could have that outlet or that means of relief.  I wish it worked for him the way it does for me (in reverse? from his POV?).  I wish i could serve him that way.

He knows this.  I have offered, i have explained my desire.  He has explained his side - he won't mix those feelings and those needs with anger, or frustration, or even crankiness.  And i have to respect that, whatever i may wish.

So i offer (to my mind) second best:  we have time alone today - a rare enough occurrence - but there will be no play, or really anything.  I expected this would be the case. He will work through this his way and he will let me know what, if anything, he wants from me.  I accept it, no subtle pouting or remarks or little jabs about it, simple acceptance.

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11 comments:

  1. dancingbarezApril 23, 2013 at 12:41 PM

    Good luck GG, this is something one would have a hard time with. There have been a few occasions when Daddy has been in a mood and it occurred to one offering herself up for a whipping might help but he swears it doesn't work that way for him. Pretty sure there was some pouting involved after that.

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    1. greengirlApril 25, 2013 at 6:31 AM

      db,
      My husband too. He won't mix the two. Learning not to pout has been a longer process for me.

      Delete
  2. DelFonteApril 23, 2013 at 2:28 PM

    Putting things in boxes is definitely a male trait, I'm more of a fingers in many pies kind of person - I found it his switching between boxes which can cause problems, the length of the 'reboot' sometimes varies from minutes to hours. In between he's not in a good frame of mind and there is little I feel I can do to help. He certainly isn't in the mood for me and it can be hard to accept. Hope things resolve quickly.
    DF

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    1. greengirlApril 25, 2013 at 6:34 AM

      delFonte,
      The boxes are a good skill in many ways. And he transitions - well - i barely notice the transitions. But when he does feel off - which for him is a pretty big deal - it is hard to not be able to help. And thank you - things are coming around.

      Delete
  3. Bleue D'âmeApril 23, 2013 at 3:27 PM

    Yes.
    I get this. Oh, how I get this.
    Every. Single. Word.
    Do what you can, when he asks because that's really all that you can do.
    Hang in there, GG.

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    1. greengirlApril 25, 2013 at 6:35 AM

      bleuame,
      Thank you - things are getting better.

      Delete
  4. SarahApril 23, 2013 at 4:14 PM

    I am such a problem solver (or wanna be). I'm constantly wanting (or trying) to solve husband, kids, friends problems. It is hard for me to wait until asked for help. However, I think that is the right decision here. Hope it gets better soon....

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    1. greengirlApril 25, 2013 at 6:37 AM

      Sarah,
      Yup - me too. Whatever that theory was that says that women just listen and don't really try to fix things - didn't apply to me. I want to jump in and fix. So it is hard to sit on my hands. But yes - absolutely the right thing here. Thanks.

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  5. JzApril 23, 2013 at 9:44 PM

    I really don't like their danged boxes...

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  6. nillaApril 27, 2013 at 10:14 PM

    That kind of acceptance is hard-one...for me, to whom submission is easy...I'm still a bit of a nag. If I don't hear from Him I'll text 20 times...so just sitting back and ...waiting ?

    Seems very daunting. You are indeed a wonderful submissive--and a good wife, too. (NOT that you need ME to tell you that :)


    nilla

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