Thursday, July 11, 2013

knowing

He shows me in so many ways, day in and out, that he knows me.

This is new - or new in the grand scale of our time together.

Or maybe its just new that i see it.

He probably always knew or had a fair idea of me, even when i pull so far into myself.

Maybe especially when i retreat that way.

The difference is that now he pushes through the blockades i put up and the traps i set

Or more accurately, he ignores them - they really have no power unless he lets them

That was a stunning realization for me.

A conquering much more subtle and far more overwhelming.



12 comments:

  1. Lovely.

    And jealous - we aren't quite there yet. Wondering if H will ever move past the enduring respect to push through the things he should push through. He wants me to do it for me though. Sigh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kitty,
      That is the perfect way to put it - we (He) struggled so long with how to reconcile his respect for me with all of the structure and mental components and realities of M/s. I think - I've never asked him - but I think it had to do with him seeing it work, seeing the effect on me and us step by slow step. That last part - who really does it - i can't figure out. He can't get in my head unless i let him, unless i show him or explain to him - but now he has ways of insisting - but really I have to choose to let it happen - i dunno - it's all so round and round.

      Delete
  2. We women go through a lot of mental work to set up our blockades and traps. To have them ignored must certainly be overwhelming. Nice though!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Serenity - it is both, indeed. Thank you.

      Delete
  3. I just got a reminder of this today.....retreating within myself to deal with "stuff"...He noticed...brought me back....it is a wondrous thing.
    hugs abby

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. abby,
      It is wondrous and wonderful - even when it feels intrusive and just plain unfair at the time.

      Delete
  4. Hi I've been lurking for a while and wanted to come out of hiding.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Saturn - Welcome - I'm glad you did. Thank you.

      Delete
  5. How beautiful - I guess it is in knowing us so thoroughly that they are able to control us, know what we want. ava x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ava grace,
      Exactly so. But also - to help me stay on track, be my best....

      Delete
  6. It is lovely when they do it, and nice when we realize what's happened. i love reading this, and am so delighted for you.

    sofia

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. sofia,
      Thank you. You say the most encouraging things.

      Delete