Thursday, July 11, 2013

knowing

He shows me in so many ways, day in and out, that he knows me.

This is new - or new in the grand scale of our time together.

Or maybe its just new that i see it.

He probably always knew or had a fair idea of me, even when i pull so far into myself.

Maybe especially when i retreat that way.

The difference is that now he pushes through the blockades i put up and the traps i set

Or more accurately, he ignores them - they really have no power unless he lets them

That was a stunning realization for me.

A conquering much more subtle and far more overwhelming.



12 comments:

  1. Lovely.

    And jealous - we aren't quite there yet. Wondering if H will ever move past the enduring respect to push through the things he should push through. He wants me to do it for me though. Sigh.

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    1. Kitty,
      That is the perfect way to put it - we (He) struggled so long with how to reconcile his respect for me with all of the structure and mental components and realities of M/s. I think - I've never asked him - but I think it had to do with him seeing it work, seeing the effect on me and us step by slow step. That last part - who really does it - i can't figure out. He can't get in my head unless i let him, unless i show him or explain to him - but now he has ways of insisting - but really I have to choose to let it happen - i dunno - it's all so round and round.

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  2. We women go through a lot of mental work to set up our blockades and traps. To have them ignored must certainly be overwhelming. Nice though!

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  3. I just got a reminder of this today.....retreating within myself to deal with "stuff"...He noticed...brought me back....it is a wondrous thing.
    hugs abby

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    1. abby,
      It is wondrous and wonderful - even when it feels intrusive and just plain unfair at the time.

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  4. Hi I've been lurking for a while and wanted to come out of hiding.

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    Replies
    1. Saturn - Welcome - I'm glad you did. Thank you.

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  5. How beautiful - I guess it is in knowing us so thoroughly that they are able to control us, know what we want. ava x

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    Replies
    1. ava grace,
      Exactly so. But also - to help me stay on track, be my best....

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  6. It is lovely when they do it, and nice when we realize what's happened. i love reading this, and am so delighted for you.

    sofia

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    Replies
    1. sofia,
      Thank you. You say the most encouraging things.

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