Thursday, August 7, 2014

things i'm not allowed to get pissed about, but still do

Well - one thing for today......

You know - those things that used to be acceptable ways for men to treat women, but then people got enlightened and they were no longer acceptable**

But since i've voluntarily, essentially moved backwards several hundred years - not really - but there is no longer a "society says" that this or that is or isn't actually acceptable in behavior or interactions...  It's fuzzier - it's all up to Him, and while He is not interested in anything that makes me less than - there is the fuzziness of things done to reinforce our respective positions - which ironically - don't make me feel less than, they make me feel secure, but..... anyhow, told you it was fuzzy

Fuzziness aside - there are still a few things for which my impulse is to shake him and point out how unenlightened and old-fashioned and inappropriate he's being.   Things that frustrate me instead of making me feel secure - even though i tell myself it's his prerogative, and that helps a bit - still - not entirely.

Today's frustration is brought to you by that ancient curse - my period.

I've been gone, he's been gone, the kids have been way too present way too much, etc., etc., We haven't had time together in too long.  He comes back today, and of course my period also showed up - early - of course.

So there's the disappointment and frustration of knowing it will be that much longer.

But also - there's the underlying feeling i get from him about it all:  he won't have anything to do with me during.  He has always been this way - he's just simply not interested in going there.  He may demand i service him - but even that is less.  It isn't quite shunning - but decidedly less intimacy.  It just flirts with the edges of feeling like he blames me or is upset with me for it happening.  I know he doesn't, but....

There's the little bit of mind fuck for me in it - and not necessarily in the good way - it's his right, his control. He doesn't do humiliation much and not outside a context in which it's pretty clear what's what.  So this isn't a control through humiliation thing.  But i'm not so sure it isn't a 'because I can and this works for me" thing - which i should find hot, or at least reassuring, but most often i can't.



** I'm NOT talking about past and present day, all too real, inequalities and human rights abuses - just to be clear.

10 comments:

  1. Hmmmm... THIS is not a problem for me anymore, but it was once, of course. I have assumed that most men avoid physical intimacy during menstruation. Not all. But most. That is based on my experience, but I'd be surprised if I had that one wrong. I think it is complicated by the reality that most of US are less intimately skilled during our periods: more needy, more crabby, less reasonable in general. So the two bits tend to amplify each other, and the misery gets added onto the already miserable passage.

    I am just sorry that this confluence has further complicated your current reality.

    Hugs.

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    1. I imagine you are right - i imagine most men prefer to take that week off. I don't think i change a bit during my period - still sunny, pleasant and rational :) I think you hit the key though - i am more needy - not just more horny - but more needy of all the other pieces i've come to rely on - expectations, control, dominance. The neediness ramps up as these pull back a bit. Most months it's not truly an issue - others i have a little more trouble. Thank you for you comments.

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  2. Um.....could you possible be over thinking this...naw, of course not. I had early menopause, by the time i met Master it was not an issue....ex hubby...well he had the lowest sex drive known to man, so still not a problem...so i can't help....but i loved your title...immediately made me think of a few things i think that way about.
    hugs abby

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    1. I never over think - i can't believe, I think you have me confused with someone else......

      Sadly - overthinking of the ineffective circly kind tends to ramp up about now too.

      thanks

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  3. We have less sex during my period, but it is not complete avoidance. It often depends on whether it is a light day or a gushing rivers of blood day.
    I always get extra horny then, so when he says he's not feeling like making a mess and just wants a blowjob, well, it is frustrating. I try to just accept that what he says goes, for whatever reason.

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    1. Yup- the extra horny part does not help - once upon a time in my life- providing that kind of service for him just left me cold - now that i'm all re-programmed - it ramps me up even more - so, yes - very frustrating. That accepting part - sounds like a good skill - wish i had that one mastered.

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  4. It was nice to read this and know im not alone, well not that its nice, the situation that is...confused much? lol

    But my Master pretty much treats me like i have the plague when i have my period, which i find quite amusing considering all what we get up to! its the only time he will actually insist on me wearing pj's to bed....i mean god forbid there might be leakage and risk contaminating him lol

    x

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    1. I suspect it's pretty common. Most of the time i can deal - sometimes i overthink my way into a mess about it. And yea - the no clothes in bed rule gets thrown out that week.

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  5. i don't have that issue either, but I've had sex a few times while having my period and not only was it a bloody mess (pun intended)..but it was also excruciatingly painful, even though I was also horny. (turns out I had horrible endometriosis and had two surgeries to get rid of it all along with the girly plumbing). So this was NEVER an issue for me. And there is all kinds of societal "you don't sex the women whilst they bleed" history. And maybe it came from his mom or dad or was implied or...who knows...

    But it's never hot to feel shunned.

    hugs and here's to a good solid reconnection!

    nilla

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    1. Thanks nilla - more than the sex, it's my insecurity i think - i need more reassurance, containment- whatever you want to call it - precisely as we are a bit further apart.

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