Sunday, December 14, 2014


He still canes me daily - the number of the date, although he keeps threatening that next year he will start at one and add another each day till 365....

His new twist is that i'm not allowed to count.  I guess i don't accept it or respond the way he would like when i know how many are left.  I do (did) find myself more gritting it out than letting it happen. Maybe that's what he meant.

Not counting though is like asking someone to see words and not read them.  I had to use tricks to keep myself off the count - loudly (in my head), "3, 10, 4, 2, 8, 8, ......."  Which kept me from knowing how many had finished and how many were left, but still I was more toughing it out than anything else.  Although, if there were enough dates, i would eventually let go and open up to it.

Oddly, when it's not the date/maintenance caning, when it's whatever impact because that's what we do  - i never count.  He always has a number in mind, and (apparently) we always get to that number.  But since i never know what that number is, I stopped counting a long time ago.  [I wonder if he knows this????]

This morning (with 4 or 5 days of catching up to do), i discovered that i didn't count at all, didn't use any tricks, my mind was just there and open from the start.  I wonder if he knew that too???


  1. Good for you for getting there, somehow i think He knows....I never count, i lose track...and too busy thinking breathe.
    hugs abby

    1. abby - Thanks. Maybe will stop fighting it now - and just breathe.

  2. The only time Omega wants mouse to count is during punishments. If she makes a mistake in the count the whole thing begins again. Yes, if you can believe it, it has happened,(or so he says).

    He's never told mouse not to count or forbidden her from mentally keeping track, although mouse also never knows how many blows he's got in mind to begin with.

    What is interesting is how we do change over time. That's a huge thing to accept gg, He's probably got an idea. Daddy always seems to know if mouse is really "with him" during maintenance or if she's mentally elsewhere.


    1. mouse - That seeing us, it is disconcerting and comforting at the same time. And yea - same with the change - i would feel insecure if things remained forever static, they would stop working, but the change also makes me uneasy for awhile.
      thank you.

  3. Daily caning? Oh, ouch! Usually I say "unfortunately" Michael isn't home every day, but in this case I think I'd have to change that to "fortunately." That said, I think I'd find it hard not to count too if I knew the number of strokes I was to get.

    1. Grace,
      Welcome. My husband travels for work and is away many days also. He just makes up the missed numbers when he returns. I guess it comes down to wanting a smaller number every day, or more but less often. In the end, it has all proven to be good for me. Thank you.