RNBA-PD

(part deux)

This took longer than I expected - I rarely get sick but something knocked me on my ass this past week - today i can breathe again - it's amazing how that can feel....  

So - sofia's and nilla's answers.....  Thank you both.  These made me look at some things about myself.

Sofia's
1. What’s the funniest thing that’s happened to you involving TTWD? 
I can't think of one big thing - but we are very comfortable with each other - so we laugh at the small stuff instead of pretending it doesn't happen:  we have one clip/carabiner that magically, randomly undoes itself so my had or foot finds itself suddenly free; the butt plug that wasn't where he left it when we finished; the kids pulling in the driveway as we are both just about THERE; one of the boys asking, "what was that clapping sound coming from your room last night?"

2.  Who is your role model or hero?  (In the lifestyle or not.)  So - this is not meant as a cop out - but i really don't find myself looking at one person as a role model.  IRL i tend to see people do things or approach things in ways that i admire and i try to incorporate that, if i really believe it is a better way of doing whatever it is - from parenting to my job to just life stuff.  I did spend a good bit of time looking for role models or at least any kind of models for the lifestyle.  But i don't find other models of people who are exactly like us - which is the reason i don't look for overall role models irl - so it dawned on me that it's not a good approach for me in this lifestyle either.  I've consciously tried instead to move to taking the approaches or attitudes and small pieces i admire and think would be useful for me, and trying to apply those.

3.  What’s your favorite kink activity?  Whatever he wants!  That's the right answer, right?  I miss the caning every day.  But i kind of hope i haven't discovered my favorite yet - not because i don't love all the things so far - but because i still love trying new things, and there is so much more out there that intrigues me, in a slightly fearful, but very tingly way.

4.  If you were granted one personal wish, what would it be? To be able to really, really know what my kids need from me.

5.  What is your greatest strength – the quality you value most about yourself?  Sofia - you ask really tough questions.  They look so innocent - but wow....  Problems solving i guess - the ability to look at the whole picture and see possible solutions - in all kinds of contexts.  I'm not creative in the usual sense, but in seeing solutions to problems i can be.

6.  If you could give one thing to your Dom/Master (or to your slave, if you’re the Dom) what would it be?  Some peace of mind - from my POV, he takes on so much responsibility.  He says that is what he needs to do, who he needs to be.  Others have explained to me that this is how some people thrive best.  It is hard for me to see though.  I need to be doing, moving, working.  I'm not lazy.  But the weight of all the stuff - it would weigh on me.  My urge is to want to relieve that from him.

7.  What’s the most important thing to you about TTWD?  The way it binds us and makes Us stronger.

Nilla's

1. How did you get into reading, then writing, erotica?  HA!  I read - I don't/can't write erotica.  I fell into reading erotica late in life.  The standard bodice rippers never did a thing for me.  When i discovered that people do all these crazy things, that turn me on like never before, i discovered them because people also write about them, and publish them, right there on the internet for naive souls like me to discover!  Talk about life changing.  So thank you to all you writers - you front and center among them nilla - thank you.

2. What do you get out of blogging?  Connections with people, ideas, perspectives, challenges to my perspectives, friends, clarity of thought, more questions, a way to communicate to my husband...

3. What are your favorite things to do/to be done to you by your partner?  I love whatever it is in the moment that gives him that look - the look of being lost on the edge of his own rabbit hole, of his desire and his need, not sexual so much as the sadistic and hungry and all about him.

4. If you had the choice to live 24/7 D/s dynamic (assuming one isn’t at this point)…would you? Do you feel it’s a realistic way to live in this day and age?  We do.  But i don't believe 24/7 necessarily looks like what people think it looks like, or at least what it looks like on the internet.  It is good for us - and i'm at peace with the fact that it looks more like real life than a work of fantasy - though i would love more of the fantasy version - but, that's life.

5. What scares you about D/s?  What happens if we stop - for whatever reason, how do we go back, what do we do with the feelings, the needs we've allowed ourselves to cultivate?

6. Multiple partners and experiences in a scene–is this a fantasy or something too scary to contemplate–and why?  Definitely a fantasy - a strong one.  Bottoming - in the purely sexual sense of it - is all about experiencing: the sensations, the emotions, the edge of fear, the loss of control over what will be done and what impact it will have.  Having more than one person at a time doing that to me, and by definition someone i don't know and can't read or predict at all, just compounds that.  This one is likely a safe and effective fantasy precisely because i know it is only a fantasy.  

7. If you could fuck anyone, who would it be? (bonus—would you be the Top or the bottom of the scene?)   Easy part first -- definitely the bottom.  I've heard the argument that it is the natural growth and maturation to go from bottoming to topping.  I've no desire to top - so either i'm stunted and immature, or the argument is wrong - i choose to believe the latter.

Harder part - mostly because my husband does read here and i've never asked him how he feels about it at all.....  There is no specific person/celebrity/character in my fantasies - ever.  But there has been, since i fell down this particular rabbit hole, a nebulous, all knowing, "him."  It's a grass-is-greener thing: we both have been and are learning this whole thing together; at times, i've built fantasies around a person who already knows all about kink, and all about D/s, and all about himself, and all about me.  So that i wouldn't have to do the work of processing and discussing and learning; i could just sit back and enjoy the ride.  It goes along with the fantasy of having infinite privacy, and all the time in the world.  I know damn well that we not only have to do the work, but that the work is why we can be what and who we are.  I know this.  And i'm grateful we have and do.  But sometimes the fantasy of no interruptions, forever and a day available, and a top who is expert with every imaginable toy, knows every trick in the book, and can play me perfectly - - - well, that's why they're called fantasies.