Mouse describes it sooooo nicely - and makes it sound soooo lovely
I want that feeling, want it back that is.
He wants me that way. And who wouldn't?
He really likes it when i'm softer, pliable, contented, attentive, warm, quiet, agreeable, needy in a good way. I'm much nicer to be around when i'm focused on him, looking for ways to please him, when i really want him, am completely open and actively trying to seduce him.
I like me and i love us when i have all soft edges and, whether literally or figuratively, am bowed and small and all tucked up in him.
I especially love (and so does he of course) when that feeling, that flow between us, can be sustained over time and carries us through our days and nights. When it's there and solid, I can go off into the world and do the things i need to do with confidence and competence, i can focus on the difficult things at home and outside of our home, i can make clearer and more reasoned and compassionate decisions, i am in the zone and on top of my game.
Right now that feeling, that flow is gone. I'm edgy and hard and busy and stressed and kind of unpleasant. My skin is jumpy and my attention is in overdrive. There are reasons. We are both finding our way out of the hard places. This is bigger than just "snap out of it."
This is the heart of active submission for me: not the little extras i can do for him to please him when things are good, but working and fighting to open myself to him. He can be strict or demanding or lenient or loving, he can cuddle me or beat me or give me orgasms galore, but none of it will impact me unless i can find a way to let it.
It is yes wonderful to be in that place, but (of course there is a but lol) it is perhaps more difficult to maintain when one is busy, stressed etc, its possible certainly, personally i find it difficult to 'let go' when im stressing about something, its almost like im fighting against him, or rather submitting, and yet that is when i need his dominance, control more, to ground me...its like a little vicious circle!
ReplyDeleteIt is a vicious circle - i know the circle will go the other direction once it turns around.....submitting helps me deal with life better, so less stress felt... Thanks.
DeleteAll of this, resonates with me so very much at the moment.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry - i hope your circle starts to spin the other direction soon. It's hard.
DeleteI think, even though we get there or have in the past, being vulnerable is something that takes constant feeding, it is not something that stays 'on' all the time.
DeleteThank-you.
I think you are absolutely right - it took a long time to achieve and i can't maintain it all the time. It requires effort from both of us - not just me. But i still sometimes shut down when i feel threatened externally. Sometimes that's necessary, sometimes i need to work harder not to.
DeleteIt bet we have all been there...and your last sentence pretty much sums it up. Hoping you can soon...'let it be'.
ReplyDeletehugs abby
Thank you abby - me too.
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