Mouse describes it sooooo nicely - and makes it sound soooo lovely
I want that feeling, want it back that is.
He wants me that way. And who wouldn't?
He really likes it when i'm softer, pliable, contented, attentive, warm, quiet, agreeable, needy in a good way. I'm much nicer to be around when i'm focused on him, looking for ways to please him, when i really want him, am completely open and actively trying to seduce him.
I like me and i love us when i have all soft edges and, whether literally or figuratively, am bowed and small and all tucked up in him.
I especially love (and so does he of course) when that feeling, that flow between us, can be sustained over time and carries us through our days and nights. When it's there and solid, I can go off into the world and do the things i need to do with confidence and competence, i can focus on the difficult things at home and outside of our home, i can make clearer and more reasoned and compassionate decisions, i am in the zone and on top of my game.
Right now that feeling, that flow is gone. I'm edgy and hard and busy and stressed and kind of unpleasant. My skin is jumpy and my attention is in overdrive. There are reasons. We are both finding our way out of the hard places. This is bigger than just "snap out of it."
This is the heart of active submission for me: not the little extras i can do for him to please him when things are good, but working and fighting to open myself to him. He can be strict or demanding or lenient or loving, he can cuddle me or beat me or give me orgasms galore, but none of it will impact me unless i can find a way to let it.