.... a little more action, please.
People - particularly of the submissive persuasion - write about events or times when they feel themselves slipping further into their submission. It's maybe after a big scene or some big connection that triggers a new understanding or closeness, and it seems to generate lots of very nice feelings and inner contentment. I've had some moments like that too, and it is lovely; it makes me feel like i can't get close enough to him and that i want to do whatever i can for him.
This wasn't one of those times.
This was me being shown that it is what he has decided it is, no matter how much or what i think, analyze, parse, dissect or try to figure it out to be. I can wonder about me and the twists and turns of my psyche, but I need to separate that now from trying to figure out him and his motivations.
He told me simply, as i repeatedly tried to reason it all out with him, that those were the rules and he wanted me to follow them, period, not play games about it in any way. And a friend pointed out to me, "What ever the reason is though, it is his reason and you accept it, no questions, we call that submission."
It's not the warm fuzzy kind of slip further into submission. In fact, it's humbling and uncomfortable.
i hope that kind of eases your wondering about his commitment, gg. Sounds to me as if he is as committed to the D/s aspect of your relationship as he is to every other aspect of it...it doesn't change who you are or how you feel about each other, merely how you express those things.
ReplyDeletei guess that's maybe something that is kind of overlooked at times by folks entering the "lifestyle" from an established relationship. If you're submissive, you've been that way in your relationship for a long time, as has he with Dominance. However, now that it's formal, it is one of those things that can seem overwhelming, strange, and as if it is somehow changing your entire life and relationship.
It's not. It's just more in the forefront, and a lot of blogs talk only of D/s so it may seem as if that is the main ingredient in it. But i honestly think that a lot of your wondering stems from the sense that you and he aren't "living it enough" or something, simply based on what is in a lot of blogs and articles and such.
People forget that we have lives first, D/s is a part of it of course, but we live our lives within that dynamic, not try to force the dynamic into our lives.
Not sure that makes sense, i know what i'm trying to say but somehow the words aren't coming out right. Maybe i'll blog about it later, if i can find time - lol.
Hang in there. Submission is *not* always feelings-based, btw. It *is* expressed through obedience, however, even when we don't feel submissive. Obedience is an act of submission, and that is the ingredient that so many choose to overlook or ignore or dismiss.
*hugs*
schiava
oh my..you have no idea how this speaks to me today..'humbling and uncomfortable'.
ReplyDeletethank you for sharing this
L x
Shiava,
ReplyDeleteYou are absolutely dead on. I've been starting to realize some of these things over the past few days and you have seen it and put them each so simply. I have always insisted that this dynamic didn't exist before in our marriage, and I have been getting increasingly out of hand with trying to "live it more". I had lost sight of just what you say - that this should fit into our lives and be a way of expressing our relationship. It shouldn't be an end in itself. This is the humbling part, I was more and more trying to control it and less and less listening to what my husband really wanted. I was caught up in it and couldn't figure out why i was so confused and disconnected.
Your directness here has helped me finally cut through that confusion and hopefully move forward calmer and hopefully with my focus a bit more on track. Thank you so much.
littleOne,
You're welcome, and I hope you are able to work past that feeling soon, onto something better.
Interesting post. I suspect that sometimes humbling and uncomfortable has to come before the slipping deeper into... Thanks for sharing your thoughts - they make me think too.
ReplyDeleteaisha
Aisha,
ReplyDeleteI think you are absolutely right. I needed to learn this lesson.