.... a little more action, please.
People - particularly of the submissive persuasion - write about events or times when they feel themselves slipping further into their submission. It's maybe after a big scene or some big connection that triggers a new understanding or closeness, and it seems to generate lots of very nice feelings and inner contentment. I've had some moments like that too, and it is lovely; it makes me feel like i can't get close enough to him and that i want to do whatever i can for him.
This wasn't one of those times.
This was me being shown that it is what he has decided it is, no matter how much or what i think, analyze, parse, dissect or try to figure it out to be. I can wonder about me and the twists and turns of my psyche, but I need to separate that now from trying to figure out him and his motivations.
He told me simply, as i repeatedly tried to reason it all out with him, that those were the rules and he wanted me to follow them, period, not play games about it in any way. And a friend pointed out to me, "What ever the reason is though, it is his reason and you accept it, no questions, we call that submission."
It's not the warm fuzzy kind of slip further into submission. In fact, it's humbling and uncomfortable.