No one can run at full tilt all the time, but there are periods of time when life is really busy on all fronts. Sometimes for me these are just tedious and draining and just have to be gotten through. But other times, the business is challenging and productive and invigorating. It feels good to be "on". The accomplishments feed my overall energy rather than draining it, and I am able to sustain doing even more. The energy and efficiency in one area of my life spill over into other areas and they become more manageable. Of course there are limits: there are only 24 hours in a day, and I do have to sleep or the whole system crashes.
Similar things happen between him and me at times. Sometimes things do feel too easy, sometimes i want him to ask things of me that are hard for me, to push me. I want to plunge in and race ahead. Maybe I'm looking for that same "on" feeling I get in other areas of my life. Maybe I want to prove myself to him, maybe earn that 'good girl.' Maybe it's just because I'm needy and greedy and want more: more attention, more containment, more control, more him...
There are times when the need is a need - not like air, food, water, etc.; but for balance and even-keeled-ness it is definitely more necessity than luxury. The big thing i am seeing is that when life is not so smooth, if I am low, or the tasks i need to get done are pressing and tedious and just plain overwhelming, that his letting up on the control doesn't work. I know he feels uncomfortable adding to my responsibilities when I am already stressed. But what he sees as helpful reprieve, I feel as one more task or area I have failed at or not managed well. It weighs on me and I feel let go of and adrift.
So, maybe i am needy or greedy, since all the time I want more, more, more.... Maybe this is the natural order for these types of relationships, maybe it works out for him, easier for him to exert control if I'm a state of wanting rather than not wanting.
GG,
ReplyDeleteYou're absolutely right...it's like a deep cut...too much pressure and it hurts, not enough and it just won't stop bleeding. The pressure must be even...
Same is true with our dynamics or relationships. In order to maintain the delicate balance, the control must be present.
Wanting more is natural. Getting more takes time, but eventually you'll find your way.
Hugs,
mouse
greengirl,
ReplyDeleteMy Husband lets up on me during high pressure times too. It bothers me terribly because I don't feel controlled at a time I need to really feel his strength. Never realized this until reading your post. Thanks!
serenity
Mouse,
ReplyDelete"Getting more takes time..." Did i forget to mention that patience is not my strong suit?
Serenity,
YW and you're right - that is part of it too - missing his strength at the crucial time, wehn othe rthigns feel out of control and i don't want to also.