Many really, really smart people throught the ages have written about the power of words. I'm not that kind of smart (or eloquent), but I have been knocked over by the power of certain words since this whole thing started.
I read a fair bit about ttwd; it is the way i had and have to learn about it. In all this reading, it is hard to miss certain words and the significance attached to them. One becomes immersed in the culture, particularly in the language, and the meanings of special words go far beyond their standard usage.
My husband reads very little in this way, so he isn't familiar with this alternate vocabulary, or at least not with the depth of context attached to some of the words. This does make communication a bit precarious at times. I have a difficult time confessing many of my desires in any case, and single words or phrases that convey the weight and the meaning of my thoughts would make it easier for me. On the other hand, it often forces me to be very expicit about my wants and needs and feelings. Objectively of course, that is a good thing, but it is much, much harder for me.
The lack of common vocabulary also created disconnects for us at times. Things i have brought to him as intriguing, or desirous have very negative connotations for him. His understanding of the word "submission" or "submissive" in particular led him initially to reject the concepts I was trying to advocate. Again, i have had to work to clarify and express what i meant - my conceptualization of ideas like "submission", "control," "containment" - what exactly did i mean by those? - not just a swirl of nebulous ideas garnered "out there" - what did *I* mean? Once we gained common ground, we could move forward together. I can see now that the work i do to understand what I mean, both to be able to explain to him and to know for myself, is very important; but, at the time, I would really rather skip around that part.
Some have taken on meaning for us, we have given them our own context. "Sir" for example: he is a boss, sometimes people call him Sir, sometimes out of respect, sometimes as a cheap attempt at ingratiation, but it has that context for him. For me, it is a view of him that takes hold of me sometimes, but which i am shy to express out loud. We are both finding that it carries the right weight and meaning if we reserve it for very limited contexts, alone and intense times. Then we both understand, and we both like it.
I am the one who spent 6 months learning and living as submissive to my husband before i could bear to type that word out in reference to myself. It is a very powerful word, and has been a very powerful way to live.
There are more words out there that aren't part of us at this point, but which nonetheless invoke a profound response in me: girl, slave, Master, owned, Mine. I will leave it at that for now.