We are approaching two years that we have been doing this thing. I should probably change the wording on my profile; it's hard to argue we are new and "just discovering" these things. Except that we are still discovering new things about ourselves, things are still growing and changing and deepening - some days. Other days life just chugs along, busy, challenging, exciting, interesting, mundane, frustrating....
I clearly was not, still am not, one of those people who could see a new way of doing things, judge it to be interesting or useful, and just jump in and go. For better or for worse, i needed to do almost everything possible to make it difficult. Looking back, i'm not sure how i could simultaneously push for something new and fight it at every turn. My husband sits back and watches the show and does his thing, his way, not letting me go too far off the rails; I think he's a wise man.
It has been all along and still is both surreal and sublime. I have to remind myself that arranging our relationship this way, and especially most of the activities that now go along with that, aren't considered healthy, normal, or particularly acceptable in the wider world. It is surreal - it is completely real to us, it is our reality. But we really can't share that with the people in our everyday life because, from the outside looking in, it isn't a good way to live. Worse than just a not good way to live - from the outside, it looks very much like domineering, controlling, emotional and physical abuse on one side, and acquiescing to that on the other.
A friend recently asked me - very earnestly - what we had changed in our marriage to bring the peace and joy she sees in it now. And she sees well, that is what we feel this change has brought us. That's the sublime.