Thursday, February 24, 2011

What's left?

There is no high drama, not really even any major angst.  I no longer feel that obsessive, all-consuming drive for more, for going further, for pushing harder.  I'm definitely beyond that sub-frenzy or whatever it was that made me feel like I absolutely had to have more control, more pain, more sex.  The highs aren't as high, but the lows aren't as low.

I'm certainly not the same.  I'm riding along in a very different gear than ever before, but i feel like i've found the right gear and the right cadence.  When things are good, I revel in it, thrive on it, am thankful for it.  When real life keeps us physically apart and mentally overwhelmed with so many other things, I miss it, and crave it, and i try, not very successfully, to be patient until the pendulum reverses course.

A friend has assured me that this is when the good part starts, when it really gets interesting.  Selfishly, I hope so.  I miss the highs, I miss the intensity of all the new feelings and experiences.  I conveniently forget the lows and the angst and the drama.  And a little bit of me wonders and worries that without that intensity it will fade away.  Will it be self sustaining?  Does it have enough momentum? 


  1. imho, it will keep the momentum and when it rolls on it's own, the highs become higher and the lows rarer.

  2. greengirl,

    You've made it to a good place with all this! Thats wonderful! I don't think it will fade away, because if it does start the drama will return and you will get it back to where it needs to be.


  3. lil,
    sounds like the voice of experience - i do hope it is the way for us.

    I hadn't thought of that - in fact i had been focused on the worry and not thinking i could do anything abotu it.

  4. It's so weird! You and I have completely different life situations, but I find myself in exactly the same place. I try to just appreciate the balance and know that with the drama and angst, I miss out on the little joys in life.

  5. His Girl,
    Maybe differnt situations, btu in the end, we must have something in common - submissiveness at least, and a journey. And you're right, i should be grateful for a better balance in life. thanks