There is no high drama, not really even any major angst. I no longer feel that obsessive, all-consuming drive for more, for going further, for pushing harder. I'm definitely beyond that sub-frenzy or whatever it was that made me feel like I absolutely had to have more control, more pain, more sex. The highs aren't as high, but the lows aren't as low.
I'm certainly not the same. I'm riding along in a very different gear than ever before, but i feel like i've found the right gear and the right cadence. When things are good, I revel in it, thrive on it, am thankful for it. When real life keeps us physically apart and mentally overwhelmed with so many other things, I miss it, and crave it, and i try, not very successfully, to be patient until the pendulum reverses course.
A friend has assured me that this is when the good part starts, when it really gets interesting. Selfishly, I hope so. I miss the highs, I miss the intensity of all the new feelings and experiences. I conveniently forget the lows and the angst and the drama. And a little bit of me wonders and worries that without that intensity it will fade away. Will it be self sustaining? Does it have enough momentum?