This time though, i'm finding that i don't want to dwell here anymore. I've had my mistakes pointed out, much to my chagrin and my shame. I've talked it out. And i'm fed up with myself for winding up right back in the same spot i've been in before. I should be able to learn and move on.
So i'm shamelessly stealing Xantu's technique here, with a twist. A few bullet points of things i would be well served to remember:
- if i say i want this - i need to mean i want to follow him, his way, not mine - that is the underlying assumption of which i seem to keep losing sight
- the fact that he wants and needs this dynamic in his way, not mine - does not mean he doesn't want or need it; quite the opposite, it means he gets it (and i've missed it - see above)
- he doesn't need to use the words or gestures i think he should - i should pay attention to what he does say and do
- that if what he needs is time, space, rest, patience, peace... then that is what i should try to provide
- stopping me, holding me, kissing me, making me kiss him also - are perfectly good ways to say "I love you"
- "I will" instead of "I want" is an incredibly useful paradigm shift (Thank you Sir J)
- a crop, a flogger, and several canes are very good at changing a girl's mindset, re-focusing her on what she should, and resetting a wonderful feeling of connection
- as effective and wonderful as those are - that girl needs to work to be the person he wants, and the person she wants to be for him, under her own steam; that is what he really wants