Monday, April 4, 2011

what i want vs what he wants

He has told me what he wants.  It's not at all a long or detailed list.  There are some rules, things he never felt he should have a say in previously, that now he likes done his way.  Most of that  - I've mostly managed.  And there is only very minimal anything that could be called a ritual.  It's pretty simple stuff, and even at that, i kinda push back.  Or if not pushing back, i giggle and manage not to offer it gracefully or graciously.  Honestly - i can't imagine what it should look like: standing naked waiting to get into bed, asking permission to get into bed.   How should that look?  What does one do with her hands, her eyes? 

Overall, big picture, there are a few things that are very important to him and those he wants to be made to happen.

He wants me to focus on my work.  He wants me to not let drifting off into this world in my mind, or chatting, or anything else, interfere.  He wants me to succeed at it - not just their definition of success, but for me to feel i have really accomplished what i can.  And for the most part, I do.  (Have i mentioned here that i really, really like my new job?  It's a great fit, it combines all my occupational passions into one job, the people around me are engaged and supportive and challenging, in a good way; it's the perfect position for me to be the things i love to be, and not need to be what i am not.)

He wants a peaceful home: structure with plenty of room for fun, order but not living in a museum, warmth and love that the boys will feel safe to come back to so they can go out and conquor the dragons in their own worlds...  Honestly, that has come pretty naturally with the change in our dynamic.  It just flows better.

He wants me to take care of myself.  I used to run.  Actually, i used to really enjoy doing triathalons.  I also liked being fit.  Just to clarify, lest anyone have a really skewed image of me - I'm no true athlete, I'm slow and plodding even when i'm in shape.  But i've gotten far, far away from anything resembling 'in shape.'   And this is what he would like me to get back.  But it's hard, and it's boring, and there's no time, and i'm getting old, and it's cold out (or too hot), and i would rather stay in, and, and, and... 

And this is just a really mundane thing for him to ask of me.  It's not sexy or erotic or exciting or the kind of challenge i want.  It's like laundry - if you do it today, it just needs to be done again tomorow, and the next day.  And it's something i should do anyhow.  I would face this same challenge if i had never heard of ttwd. 

If only he could ask of me something more fun, maybe erotic or provacative, like in all the fun stories: maybe being plugged (as i do laundry), or wearing nipple clamps (to walk the dog), or going pantiless (to the kids' soccer practice.)  On second thought - my life may not be suited to erotic fiction at all. 

I can convince myself that my working out helps him too.  I've never had, nor will ever have, a killer body - so that's not the gain for him.    But, when i can get into a routine,  i am better balanced, i like myself better, i have more energy, etc. It also it helps him stay on track.  He has his ups and downs and stressors and busy times and, and, and... just like me.  It's easier for both of us to stay on track if both of us are on the track together.  Plus, lets face it, it makes it easier for me to get my knees behind my ears first thing in the morning, or to hold that really low position he likes a little longer.  

So - when he nudges me, or outright tells me to pull my shoes on and get out the door, i try hard to do just that.  I just hope he doesn't mis-interpret all this and decide I should wear nipple clamps under my jogbra or a plug to swim. 


  1. i don't know... it kind of looks as though you're asking for clamps under your jogbra ;-)


  2. gg - sometimes when I read your posts, okay, much of the time when I read your posts, I hear my own thoughts, as an echo to yours.

    I like to run. I like to imagine myself as swift...but the truth is much, much slower. A little too short legged, a little too round.
    I'll think of you tomorrow morning while I'm running.
    The word verification is "rallyb". Seems oddly significant.

  3. greengirl,

    I can't stop laughing at the image of wearing a plug while swimming. I'm envisioning headlines like "Pool closed because of misplaced sex toy."

    It's often funny the things I think my Husband might want. I have all these wonderful erotic images in my mind. Then I've given task like laundry and getting sports gear together.

    Sometimes I do get sexual elements added to my task. It does make it more interesting.


  4. Hehe... you do realize that the more you give, the more he'll take. :-D



  5. Clamps under the jogbra and plugged while swimming both sound like fun.


  6. I think I'd feel the same way you do - and I think that if you really follow the rules he's set up, maybe more will happen. I think it seems like it'd be more fun to trust if it was sexual rituals and stuff, but it's gotta start somewhere, right?

    But, you know, at the moment I've got nothing, so - grass - greener - and all that.


    word verification is figin - I can't decide if it means "frigging" as in "frigging life," or figging, as in "be glad he's not into figging."

  7. Mina,
    It's funny - my husband read this and told me he thought he should ask me to do jus tthat before he was halfway finished. Somehow those two woudl blend in any kind of erotic way.

    short legged absolutely - in spades - oddly i walk very quickly, but run very slowly. hope you have a good run, I will be in the pool - hopefully sans plug.

    that's a visual i hadn't considered. sooo not happening now, not that there was any chance before.

    oh i know - that's been an attraction as long as i've known him. It goes both ways too - just in diffrent guises.

    I ask this most respectfully - but fun for whom?

    this has always been very important to him. it helps to have him tell me to do it - what used to be anger and resentment is more understanding and effort to try on my part - that's a good change i think. and yes - absolutely glad hes not in to figging - lets go with the first option.