Wednesday, May 18, 2011


Sometimes writing things down helps me figure them out.  Sometimes i feel like i only start to get a handle on them that way - just start to make sense of it.  Sometimes (too often to be honest) my ideas are way too complicated and the writing makes it moreso.  Complicated isn't inherently bad - but someties it's wrong.

Sometimes someone has to point out to me the simple truth - and that happened yesterday

In my mind, my issues with neglecting to do the things i need to do to take care of myself when my husband is out of town must be deep and complex and perhaps unfixable.   In my mind, it was related to punishments and discipline, and the fact that he doesn't work that way, and maybe he should, and i need to feel more control when he's gone, and he doesn't check up on me every day, and he must need to change how he does things, and i know he's disappointed by it, but that's not really enough to motivate me, i want him to do things his way - to be in charge - but i want him to force me to do what he wants, he wants me to do what he asks without his needing to force me, i should do what he wants, and, and, and....

 And............. and it really is very simple.
Disappointed should be everything. 
I made it all about me and my wants
I've been very disrespectful
It's easy - do or don't do


  1. Yes, in the end, submission becomes an issue of honoring your agreements and respecting his requests, doesn't it? Even when, maybe especially when, he's not looking.


  2. gg,

    It's true....all all of it...we have to work harder to keep the focus when they are gone...keep doing as tho they are there and show gratitude in our actions...we show them how very important they are to us.


  3. Very well said. It's that hard, and that easy. Isn't that weird?


  4. greengirl,

    It's tough sometimes to hear the simple truth. A lot of times complicated is so much easier to deal with, if that makes any sense. If anything it distracts from those nagging shameful feelings.


  5. Sara,
    Yes, seems so simple, but it's so easy to make it complicated.

    I need to remember this.

    Like a lot of things i guess. I wonder if it is just simple for some people.

    Exactly - It makes perfect sense. If it's complicated, then i have an excuse for not doing it - this way - i don't.

  6. Yes, we sometimes tend to forget it's not only about us, it's not only for us and we as submissives should strive to never disappoint our beloved. If they are disappointed it should be signal for us to sit back and think over. And I admit that I have the same way to sort out things in my head - I like to sit and write and think about what really happened, see my true feelings and understand them. That's why also I have my own blog, feel warmly welcome to visit it:) (


  7. Klaudia,
    Thank you - it is a long learning process i think. And i will visit - thanks.