Saturday, May 21, 2011

my collar

I have a necklace my husband gave me a little over a year ago, to mark a very significant occasion in my life.  I rarely wear jewlery, particularly necklaces.  He asked me to wear this one, "most of the time (except when it might get lost - certain sports, etc"  And i do.  I wear it almost all the time.

It is a pretty necklace, very nice, it goes with everything, but is completely normal looking, nothing unique - no one would guess.

But i should back up - he doesn't call it a collar - not ever, in jest or in earnest.  Neither do i, out loud.  In my mind though it has a special meaning.  He doesn't call it that, but the few times i have felt like giving up entirely on ttwd, i took it off and he noticed and ordered me to put it back on. 

I truly don't know how he views it: symbolically, or the idea of collaring - either one.  He may know of the idea of a collar, and indulge me in allowing me to view this necklace in that context even though he doesn't see it that way.  He may see it as a symbol of the changes in our relationship.  He may prefer it not have this meaning attached to it at all.  Or he may think it is just silly and think i am silly for thinking about any of this. 

We each remove our wedding ring as needed to avoid loss, damage, whatever - it doesn't make us less married.  I don't believe he sees me as "his" when i wear this necklace and not when i don't -  our relationship is what it is all the time - even if the manifestation of that needs to change with the context or situation.  This dynamic came to be rather slowly for us, not at a discreet point in time, certainly not at the point he gave this necklace to me. 

There is, of course, a mystique around the idea of a collar for me.  I'm pretty sure he doesn't feel that at all.  But for me, it feeds into the idea of being completely and wholly his, something i do want very much.  I am very drawn to the idea of a concrete expression of that.  I recognize of course that it is the state of being and the actual relationship i want, not the outward symbol of it.  A collar is different than a wedding ring in this regard: it is a symbol of course, but the object itself (a real one) is also a means of accomplishing the restraint and control (and maybe humiliation) that is part of the relationship.

There is a lot about ttwd he doesn't see in the usual way, or doesn't think about at all.  There are words he will not use. There has been no formal "training" in what we do, certainly no "training collar".  I do find that when i think of him in certain ways, when i need to remember something he told me, to be able to recall and feel his control when we are not together,  I will idly play with my necklace.  

For me, in my mind, it serves some of the same functions a "real" collar would.  I think he probably knows this on some level.  It is (interesting?, ironic?, contrived?, bassackwards?) that there is an object i view and even rely on as a reminder of him and of his conrol, but which he didn't intend that way and may not even know is playing that role.  I suppose he will know now. 


  1. greengirl,

    Interesting post! I'm am very intrigued by the thought of a collar, or special symbolic piece of jewelry like your necklace. I always notice them on other ladies. The other day I was at an IEP meeting and know I kept staring at one of the teachers necklaces because it was a loosely fitted chain with some sort of disk on it, I hope she didn't notice. I wanted to know what the disk said so badly.

    I would love to be collared, but truthfully do not feel I've earned one yet. But maybe one day.

    The fact that your Husband may not be into traditional collaring, yet still obviously finds the piece of some powerful significance makes it even more special in my mind.


  2. I don't know, sounds like he may "feel it" even without the words. In any case, nice to have that symbol for yourself


  3. O, sorry, I forgot to say, I'm bemused by the fact that both men would think that you would casually say, "Do you want to look at my rack" and leave the room to go admire each other's breasts. Omgosh, that's too funny!


  4. i just came across your blog and will spend some time reading past posts, but as for this post. i like what you are expressing here. These feelings are very valid and worth exploring (in my opinion).

    Again, i need to read more of your background, but my first thought without knowing more, and based simply on this post alone is: is the communication between you guys such that this can be talked about?

    Sir and i talked about the meaning of a collar and then left it alone for months and have recently found O/ourselves ready for this Eternity Collar will be placed upon my neck next month...

    This is a big step for U/us and i am so thrilled about it!

    He previously sent me a Training Collar and W/we consider me to be a collared sub already, but i am salivating towards the Collaring ceremony (lol).

    Anyhoo...i definitely think, if it's important enough to blog about, it's worth taking to Him.

    warm wishes,

    kitten for Sir

  5. Serenity,
    I wonder about things like that too. I think everyone has a story - many we couldn't even imagine.

    He does feel it. And i agree - i can't imagine what they were thinking about if they really thought we were upstairs playing "i'll show you mine if you show me yours."

    Welcome. We hadn't talked about this, or i hadn't understood what he said. We've begun to talk about it, and it seems i was wrong in my perception of his views. We will keep talking about it, i'm sure. I hope your ceremony brings you both joy.

  6. This is a bit late, but I am reading through your blog. I love that you have a piece of jewelry that is significant to you. I think the fact that your husband doesn't call it a collar doesn't make it any less important or significant.

    If (ever) I am lucky enough to be "owned", I don't want a collar. I would love a little lockable heart lock on a fine chain. And there I go trying to "control" things! LOL

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I am enjoying your blog. Take care, Jacquie

  7. Sky,
    Thank you. I did see the locket on your blog - it is beautiful.