Tuesday, May 17, 2011

when he's gone

He's gone pretty often, most weeks for a few days really.  Every now and then he'll be home a whole week - which is lovely.  He works hard to minimize the nights away.  But life is life. 

I am soooo different when he's not here.  I am somewhat less than my usual shining paragon of respect and attentiveness. I seem to revert to a me that was me some years ago - not the best me possible, trust me. 

For one thing, I don't sleep very much or very well.  Not sleeping does not do wonders for my patience or motivation, or "yes sir" attitude. 

I do take care of the kids, the schedules, the house, and even the dog.  Of course i'm always involved in those things, I'm the mom. We work together really pretty well in those things.  There is a subtle but distinct difference when he's home vs. away, but it's a pretty seamless transition really.

I don't take care of me though.  I neglect the basics and i seem to be unable to manage the other, above and beyond things i do to take care of myself as well.  This is not ok with him.  He pokes and prods and pushes, but this is invariably where i fall down. 

It occurred to me last night, as i lay wide awake past midnight, that when he's gone, when i do sleep, it's on his side of the bed.  [Yes, he's one of those.  Absolutely, no matter what, where ever he is, he sleeps on his side of the bed.  Me - i can sleep pretty much any which way.]  Maybe there's something meaningful or some deep metaphor to the fact that i take his place in the bed when he's gone; maybe it's just closer to the alarm clock.

Maybe there is also some deep, metaphorical meaning to the fact that, when he's gone, as i assume the control i need to (kids, house, etc), i exercise less control of myself, and by extension, i am being and doing far less than he wants of me. 


  1. greengirl,

    I could see where this would be hard. Not only just because of missing him, but the shifting of gears. Sometimes when you get focused on one mindset it's hard to let go back to a more submissive one.

    Do you take better care of yourself when he is home, other than sleeping better?


  2. gg,

    well, as long as your taking care of the dog... :)
    Just kidding... do you sleep on his side to feel closer to him? I would have a hard time with my husband being gone all the time too.
    When I have the bed to myself I like to stretch out and cover as much of the bed as possible, just bc I can. It's a luxury!
    Take care,
    Ally :)

  3. Yeah, at certain times my husband travels a lot too, and it does wear on me. I find myself stepping up..one must, and then having to stand down quickly when he returns. Sometimes that transition is easier than others. Taking care of myself IS harder then, though it is a "rule" around here. I wonder why that is, that it's easier to let things slip around taking care of me? Sara

  4. It's so hard when they're away....and of course you need to take care of yourself.

    It's not easy tho! When Daddy's away mouse wears a shirt of his and battles the dog for his pillow!


    Ps., the verification word thingy..."masking"

  5. Serenity,
    I am better at taking care of myself wehn he is home. I still fall sort, but better. It is the are he would most like me to focus on right now.

    Yup - the dog does rule, in hiw own odd way. I honestly don't know why i choose his side of the bed - it's been 20 yrs though, so probably stuck a this point. I'm pretty short, so stretching out still doesn't take much space. Thanks

    It has taken a long time for those back and forths to get smoother. I don't really know why it is harder to take care of me, but i have a sneaking suspicion i won't like the answer when i find it. Thank you.

    That's too funny - he always leaves a shirt - one he has worn - for me to wear while he is gone. That does make me feel looked after and i love it.

    Thank you - i appreciate it.