Tuesday, January 3, 2012

just off

I feel like recently we are a machine all out of whack - the gears mis-matched, the drives mis-aligned, the belts slipping all over -  lots of energy being put in and all of it being sucked into the noise and clatter and wasted motion - very little of use being produced.

I don't seem to know how to communicate anything to him.  And i feel like he is listening differently - in a way i don't know how to work with.

I have no idea if this is just bad timing: the two of us each just being off for whatever reason.  Or if there is some fault in the foundation that is now destabilizing us.   Or if it's one of those breakdowns that seems to be necessary leading up to some next step.

But - it's hard to fix a machine while it's running.  To figure out where to start putting things back in place - you have to stop it, tinker with it, start it slowly, see how it's going, stop, tinker some more....  Sticking your hands in and trying to move things around while the wheels are flying isn't so easy.

To be more specific - and less metaphorical - we have a house to run and a family to raise - we have to communicate about everything from the mundane to the very serious.

Lately - i can't seem to get it right.  I don't tell him things i should, i do express things i shouldn't - and in ways i shouldn't.

Communication needs to happen and goes right and wrong in all kinds of relationships.  So i think maybe i'm trying to make it too complicated - trying to make it somehow different - to fit our "different" dynamic - maybe that's where i'm screwing up.  Or maybe it is different now, maybe the expectations are really altered - and i'm just not hitting the target?

I'm very frustrated with myself for not being able to see where my problem is and address it.  And - rightly or wrongly - i'm frustrated with him too.  It takes two.

What i really want is for him to him to stick his hands in the machine, straighten everything out, and fix it all.  But it takes two - so i at least want him to stand next to me and peer in and while we try to figure out what's what.


  1. I seem to recently have lost my ability to make much sense so all I got is hugs.
    And I hope your machine is running smoothly again.

  2. Great metaphor..it's tough to examine a relationship while daily life is needing our attention. Could it be changes you are both going through, in terms of needs and expectations.. Hope you guys find some time to slow down and sort things out. I know it's not easy:/ K

  3. I feel your frustration really I do. All I can say is that things have a habit of sync-ing themselves, so roll on that well-oiled, highly tuned machine!!

    Best of luck.

    DY x

  4. I hope you guys are able to work through these issues.
    hugs & smiles

  5. I rarely comment -- but often lurk here -- gg -- maybe you need to just ask him for his help.

    "Babe -- I feel like I'm out of sync with you and I hate it....can we take a time out?"


    easier said than done

    how about "hugs"


  6. lil,
    thank you - that's a lot in fact.

    I do think it is changes in both of us, in "us" and just in the world around us. Thanks.

    I know there aren't ups without downs, and no growth without change. thank you.

    Thank you. I appreciate it.

    We have started talking - and things are improving slowly - he is gone for awhile - and i'm not sure if that will be good, or bad, or maybe a bit of both. hopefully the distance will let each of us figure ourselves out a bit. Thank you.

  7. I'm late commenting, but I wanted to say I'm sorry you're struggling...we all go thrugh it from time to time and it always hurts. I agree...TALK to him...tell him how you feel. if he's in charge and it takes 2 to tango, then he needs to be handed the data on how you feel. Feel better! Sara

  8. Yep, i'm late commenting too - have been here reading the post a couple of times, wanted to comment, but didn't know what I wanted to say.

    I find myself thinking about the post you did recently about your different styles of looking at things, how you approach them differently. Don't know if that's a factor here, bur can't help wondering.

    For what it's worth, i'm confident this is just one more piece of your journey together, and that the resolution will be helpful...



  9. Sara,
    Thank you. We've started the process. And i'm working on learning how to talk to hem better.

    I think you are right - our innate way of dealing with things is different, and that is also changing and evolving for both of us - so i suppose bumps are inevitable. I also think you're right that this will help us in the end. Thank you.