What gets to me is words, stories, scenes set in writing. I thought that sending my husband examples of these - what excites, stirs, ignites me - would be a good way to communicate with him -and also would save me from saying any of it out loud to his face. Didn't work that way though. Too many words for him.
Pictures can capture my attention, but not nearly in the same way or to the same degree as writings. Not enough words for my taste.
Eventually though i started sending him links to tumblers. And boy - did that work for him. I guess he's just more visually oriented :)
He takes what i send - and goes off on his own with it. I imagine he does some exploring and linking and looking around from there. We don't discuss. But it's a start of a way for me to communicate to him what impacts my psyche in all of this.
It's subtle, and indirect - i suppose it would be far simpler for us to sit and examine pictures together, discuss them, parse it all out together.... But - well - part of the truth is that would be very difficult for me to do - to talk about - to admit to his face. But also - I do- but i really, really don't want to influence, or even know, what he chooses to do or which directions he chooses to go.
So it works - kind of - but it's a risky thing for me too- if i send him to a particular tumbler that has things i find intriguing on a particular day, i'm sure he notes what those are. He probably even reads my message that says, "i like this or that, but some of the other things on here i find unappealing or frightening or perhaps even horrific." But there's the very real risk that those unappealing, frightening things are the ones that will catch his eye.
So - it's imprecise, and carries some risk for me. But I know my feelings and i know that having him do to me only things i've asked for would just not work - my head would go to bad places instead of good ones. And yea - the edge of fear of the unknown is kinda hot too.
And like any good husband - he plays up that edge to his advantage. Last week a box came which i was to keep away from the kids - but not to open myself either.
This week he pulled out and put into use one of the new toys - and that went way, way in my favor. We (I say we - really - all the toys are his, none are mine)... We didn't have a decent vibrator. Now we do (he does). Yea for me!
He also showed me the other toy, the one he's going to let me ponder and stew about for awhile. "Frightening" did catch his eye. That one is all for him. But sadly i'm the one who'll be hooked.
Yeah, I've learned the hard way that there's a slight degree of judicious editing that needs to happen with the stuff I send BG.
ReplyDelete"No! That wasn't the part I was intrigued by!"
*too late...*
I'm not sure editing would work - since - once i send a link - he pokes around. Maybe i should be braver and actually talk to him about what does and doesn't impact me. Maybe someday i will be able to do that. Of course that would mean admitting more than i am willing or able to.
Deleteoh, and you did not tell us what the second toy was, you dirty rotten rat.
ReplyDeleteI did - i was just subtle (coy) about it as i probably need some time to admit to myself that i'm intrigued and not as horrified as i think i ought to be.
DeleteI bet it was agonizing not knowing what was in the box and having to wait. :)
ReplyDeleteHe plays it well - and the first was a wonderful surprise.
DeleteOmigod, hooked???? not... um... no. i won't think it's that...
ReplyDeleteFascinating post, Gg. :-)
aisha
thanks aisha. I - well - he does seem to have developed an area of interest i wouldn't have expected.
DeleteGG--*squeals* Yeah...the 'hooked' gave me pause to--that would be awfully frightening for me :o) Would love to know what that second box contained.
ReplyDeleteThere is a bit of risk involved in the not-so-directness of this approach but it can be so much, fun too oh and the unknown quality is so enticing :o)
for me - especially - the feeling that i have to work to keep up with him - is especially good, and effective. and - indeed - it is what you thought.
DeleteOoh...One of those deliciously drool-worthy steel hooks...?
ReplyDeletesee - now - that's how i should be - able to just be up front about how i really feel about things instead of hiding behind how i think i ought to feel instead.
DeleteIn all fairness, it's a selective event with me--this just happens to be something that I have been drooling over for some time.
DeleteThere is however a plethora of things about which I hide behind how I feel I ought to as opposed to how I really do.
That made so much more sense when you said it...
lil,
Deletethanks. i suppose we do all have our illogical quirks - which of course make perfect sense inside our heads.
I want one of those hooks! Oh, yes I do.
ReplyDeleteI feel you on the trepidation with sending the man off to some sexy part of the internet. I sent him to Jake's and his response was : "He's got pictures up there."
Yes, Husband, okay.
ditto - what i said to lil - so cool that you can look at it and not play silly games about what you want - very cool.
DeleteYou LUCKY woman.
ReplyDeleteIn so, so many ways - yes. Thank you.
DeleteWe have one of the hooks you describe, and it's highly effective. Hope you enjoy it as much as we do. And a good vibrator definitely comes in handy as well! Have fun, gg!
ReplyDeleteHmm - I tried really hard not to describe it, out loud anyhow - guess i didn't do so well with that... It is interesting the mixed responses to the idea of it here - and - honestly - in my head as well. thanks.
ReplyDeleteThere are a lot of pics on Tumblr I find hot, although probably only about 1% of the pics I see fall into that category, since the majority include extra women, totally turnoff skip over for me, and a huge percentage are torture pics, no other way to describe them.
ReplyDeleteBut very few of the hot ones would I feel comfortable showing to Master because he would assume I want to do them, and I don't, since, for example, I don't in reality want to be tied wrists and ankles to the bed, at least not until I'm in menopause so don't have to worry about birth control AND know he cares about me AND he allows me to actually get to know him better.
And similar to what you mentioned with your man, I don't want Master to stumble upon the scary stuff like torture pics, because honestly, if he was in any way interested in pursuing such things I'd immediately have to end the relationship. Any man who would actually want to stick a paintbrush up a woman's vagina, through her cervix, into her uterus wouldn't be allowed anywhere near me in any capacity. I'd regret him even knowing where I live. Not to mention the hogtied upside down from a tree with breast-skewered pics and such.
Sounds like you travel to different places on the internet than i've found so far - i would be - well - lets say those would be avoided and certainly never sent on to him for sure.
Delete