What gets to me is words, stories, scenes set in writing. I thought that sending my husband examples of these - what excites, stirs, ignites me - would be a good way to communicate with him -and also would save me from saying any of it out loud to his face. Didn't work that way though. Too many words for him.
Pictures can capture my attention, but not nearly in the same way or to the same degree as writings. Not enough words for my taste.
Eventually though i started sending him links to tumblers. And boy - did that work for him. I guess he's just more visually oriented :)
He takes what i send - and goes off on his own with it. I imagine he does some exploring and linking and looking around from there. We don't discuss. But it's a start of a way for me to communicate to him what impacts my psyche in all of this.
It's subtle, and indirect - i suppose it would be far simpler for us to sit and examine pictures together, discuss them, parse it all out together.... But - well - part of the truth is that would be very difficult for me to do - to talk about - to admit to his face. But also - I do- but i really, really don't want to influence, or even know, what he chooses to do or which directions he chooses to go.
So it works - kind of - but it's a risky thing for me too- if i send him to a particular tumbler that has things i find intriguing on a particular day, i'm sure he notes what those are. He probably even reads my message that says, "i like this or that, but some of the other things on here i find unappealing or frightening or perhaps even horrific." But there's the very real risk that those unappealing, frightening things are the ones that will catch his eye.
So - it's imprecise, and carries some risk for me. But I know my feelings and i know that having him do to me only things i've asked for would just not work - my head would go to bad places instead of good ones. And yea - the edge of fear of the unknown is kinda hot too.
And like any good husband - he plays up that edge to his advantage. Last week a box came which i was to keep away from the kids - but not to open myself either.
This week he pulled out and put into use one of the new toys - and that went way, way in my favor. We (I say we - really - all the toys are his, none are mine)... We didn't have a decent vibrator. Now we do (he does). Yea for me!
He also showed me the other toy, the one he's going to let me ponder and stew about for awhile. "Frightening" did catch his eye. That one is all for him. But sadly i'm the one who'll be hooked.