I turn into a completely different person when he is gone
This isn't new - not his travelling - and not the way i react.
This has been his job since before we started dating - it has always been our reality.
He is never gone all that long. It is is job, not golf trips with buddies. He is wonderfully engaged and with us when he is home. He works very hard to minimize the impact.
And i have always - not fallen apart, not at all - but i am a very different person once he leaves. Probably I need to be different on some level, single and single parent is different than together and co-parent.
Slipping in and out of in-charge vs. not - that transition has to happen every day, often multiple times as i go from home to work to interacting with the kids to interacting with him - i manage it with varying degrees of success and grace (or not).
This is not that - i think, maybe.
I watched myself yesterday. He left, all was fine, sweet, nice. He called when he landed and i heard a different person talk to him on the phone: short, terse, not nice and not engaged. I saw it and couldn't stop myself.
When he is away - i manage the house and the kids, no problem. But i don't manage myself. I stay up too late, eat poorly, skip exercise, blow off work that i ought to do......
I become a person i don't especially like - and i am a million miles away from being His.
I don't know what happens. And i don't know how to fix it.