Wednesday, January 2, 2013

what's old is new

Today is more the first day of the new year than yesterday for us.  Our holiday break is always filled with lots of travel and family and then ends with lots of out of town friends at our house for a long visit.  The timing this year had us up late, late for the New Year's Eve party and up early, early yesterday to see our friends all off on their long drives home.  We spent yesterday cleaning and restoring order, and lounging, and maybe a little of organizing and otherwise getting ready to hit the ground running today. Which is what we are all doing.

My job runs in natural cycles and a new one begins now.  The starts and the ends of the semesters are always more work, more stress, and more transitions than other times.  And this one is a doozy.  There's a lot of new work facing me, and a lot of big things in current projects happening in the next 3 - 4 weeks.   I really like the work i do and the new stuff and the current stuff are all exciting and engaging for me, but still lots of work.

I find myself living in my head, or maybe actually my heart, much less recently than i had been. The time, the previous almost three years now really, that i spent putting so much energy into exploring and learning have been the aberration.  It was new for me to think about my feelings, to learn about my emotions, to dig into that part of myself, and especially to open up that part of myself.  I was never a navel gazer, never a sentimental or in touch with my feelings kind of person.  Even the terms i use for it give that sense.  I was very skewed in the other direction - and skewed one way or the other is not always useful.

I'm sure the time spent living in a different part of my head than i had been used to was what had to happen to allow the changes for my husband and me.  Probably it was good for me individually also.  Balance and learning new skills are good things. No sense pretending i don't have feelings or emotions...

The past few weeks or maybe month i see myself slipping back into my old ways.  Maybe wrapped up in my heart was where i needed to be, maybe that need is waning.  Maybe outside demands are forcing me back to my more comfortable patterns.  Maybe there are just cycles to these sorts of things.

I'm good, my husband is good.  The "Us" is good, albeit in flux somewhat.  We are more and more deeply D and s, although that doesn't always take the appearance i would have expected.  And we remain each kinky -  from fun and light to serious and very intense - and we continue to have not nearly as much time or privacy as we would like to dedicate to that.

I'm not sure what all this means for my blogging.  When i sit to write, the same sorts of thoughts just aren't there.  And they don't hit me throughout the day the way they used to.  I'm just not wondering these days.  But nor am i feeling like i want to walk away.  Maybe i should just change the title.

This seems to be a long-winded post that maybe doesn't really say much.  Something is different though, in me, or in our life.  I suppose this is one where i just sit back and see where it leads.  More newness for the new year.

I hope all of you have the renewal you need this coming year.  

14 comments:

  1. I hope that the year to come brings many blessings to you and your family gg.

    And whether they are wonderings, or ramblings, or anything in between, I always enjoy reading here.

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  2. I've said this in other places, I'll say it again here...
    I LIKE the blogs that mix it up, some life, some silliness, some deep thought, some just ordinary stuff.
    But yeah, it's a bugger when your name gets away from you!

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    1. Jz,
      i have no idea what will come to my head - but it will likely be different. Thank you for saying so.

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  3. I feel the same way with my blog right now. Things have settled down into their own normal and there just doesn't seem as much to share. But it nice to still have a place to share life from the submissive perspective.

    As far as reading goes, like Jz I like it all mixed up as well.

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  4. I could have written the first two paragraphs and it would describe my start to the year as well. Time to hit the ground running - and I am glad that you all are good as you go. :)

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    1. Kitty,
      thank you - it will be an interesting few weeks.

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  5. Happy New Year, gg. I always enjoy your posts, whether they are "rambling" or not. Looking forward to reading your thoughts in 2013!

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  6. Happy New Year, gg ;o)

    A lot of the time, I think our online selves merge and reflect our 'real life' selves but sometimes things don't make it clearly from one area to another :P
    I too, always enjoy reading here ;o)

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    Replies
    1. Bleuame,
      There is certainly only a part of me who makes it to here. And that part is fairly new, and gets more and less integrated with the rest of me outside of here. Maybe less right now even. thank you - I appreciate it.

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  7. Your honesty is beautiful gg, but I don't believe change is ever a bad thing. Wonder has many different meanings anyway perhaps you experience less curiosity or doubt, but certainly you still have moments of awe or admiration.

    ava x

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    Replies
    1. Ava Grace,
      Thank you so much. That's a very good point - about the awe and admiration - i had forgotten that.

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