Friday, January 24, 2014
This is one of the little games he plays..... I'm sure he has his reasons, or maybe just because he can.
He grabs, tweaks, pinches, bites, or twists my nipples randomly, out of the blue, all the time. If we are alone, and if they aren't protected by a bulletproof bra (this is where those t-shirt bras come in handy), they are what he grabs to communicate, get my attention, test me, get his point across, or as a correction. Again - I'm sure he has his reasons - or maybe just because he can.
Because he grabs, twists, bites, or tweaks randomly and out of the blue - it takes me by surprise, every- single-time. And in that 50 nanoseconds after the sensation of touch has reached my brain, but before the sensation of pain, or the happy lack thereof, has quite made its way to its own part of the brain, there is time for me to recognize what is happening, to wonder what the hell did i do now, to flash through thoughts about how many ways this could really go, and to respond. The responding is where I get in trouble.
There is just no way to know, in that 50 nanoseconds, if this is a cute and affectionate tweak, a prelude to something very nice, or a, "Holy, M....F......, that hurts like Hell, is it safe for me to scream? can I just punch him? i really just hope they stay attached"
So i jump and yelp pretty much every-single-time. He doesn't mind jumping and yelping - when he means to hurt me, he generally likes the overt signs of distress - the squirming, yelping, jumping, the obvious struggle to maintain some control, even tears don't phase him, and i think on some level it all feeds him.
But he's all about the proportional response. And this is where he plays his games. If he deems my response to be out of proportion to what he has done, then I need to "practice." Practice involves me standing, hands down or behind my back, while he administers various "stimuli," to which i need to respond correctly - not too overblown for a small tweak, an honest expression of pain for a more aggressive pinch or twist, the right kind of moan for a sensual stroke.....all while he admonishes and chides in his most condescending, "I can't believe we have to go through this again little girl" voice.
I haven't figured out if he likes this game, or if he would be a little disappointed if i did learn to respond appropriately each time. For that matter - i haven't quite figured out how i feel about it - but i know that my overwhelming instinct is still to jump and yelp whenever he grabs out of the blue...