Tuesday, September 7, 2010

The "Sir" thing

One of the things about myself that I have told my husband is that I sometimes feel a strong desire to call him Sir. I honestly don't know how he feels about this, or would feel about it if i did.  His family was not formal and didn't use that honorific, even for grandparents.  Although he has taught our boys to use it appropriately in the larger world, they only use it at home, for him, if they sense they have crossed a line far enough that they need  any redemption they can muster.  I don't think he would have ever considered my calling him Sir, it just isn't part of his cultural vocabulary that way. 

For me, at times, it burns in my brain, but i can't get it out of my mouth.  It feels silly, or young, or contrived and artificial, or well - honestly, maybe more openly submissive than i can do. It has come now to feel like a scene in a tv show or movie -where one character wants to say "i love you" but has thought about it for too long, looked for the right time, completely overanalyzed it, so that it now has more baggage than actual meaning in her mind. 

It isn't a thing that has to be done - if he wanted it - I think he would say so.  Our communication has become more respectful and I find myself less and less prone to angry or snarky responses, even when I'm upset.  I'm not perfect (yet), but I am not niave enough to believe that i couldn't be angry or snarky even using the word "Sir."

If he were to demand it or even ask for it, i imagine i could do it.  I imagine it would clear things up, remove the mental blocks, and it would be done.  On the other hand, I also imagine that there would come times that it would be done somewhat grudgingly. Which means that it is all up to me - it will (or won't) happen because of what I feel or the meaning I attach to doing it.  I guess I need to figure that part out, or let go and just see what happens. 


  1. I used it a few times -- but it always felt a bit weird

    even though I grew up with Sir and Ma'am.

    you have to do what works for you


  2. Greengirl,

    To Sir or not to Sir that is the question. What's right for some isn't right for others. I don't always feel comfortable calling Omega "Master" or "Sir" I admit it sometimes it feels weird, but sometimes it also feels downright natural.

    Like you if he required it all the time, I would do it.

    I personally think if anyone feels that they must use the Sir or Master there's nothing really wrong with it, unless they are doing it just because it makes them feel submissive. Because there is so much more to submission than using certain words.


  3. If you decide to use the word you might try adding it onto another phrase where it doesn't stand out so much. "Thank you Sir" or that sort of thing. Also, texting may be a good time to practice it.

    It is so much a part of my culture that I don't even think about it. I say "Thank you Sir" to just about every male I speak with. I guess it's just a southern thing.

  4. Since I am only required to use "Sir" when we're scening, it did take me a while to get used to it. But on the other hand, once it took, I liked it. It says all there is to say, really. Not quite like a pet name - there's more to it than that, but it conveys the sense of all he is to me in much the same way a pet name would.
    And, I wouldn't worry too much about using it offensively. For all the times I've been ticked off at BG, I've never said the word with snark. Perjorative descriptors? Yes, lots. Sir misused? Never even tempted. It means too much to me.

  5. Give it a try for a weekend, or a week, and slip it into use at appropriate times, not capriciously. As serenity suggests, use it as, thank you sir, yes sir, please sir.

    You might feel a little silly at first, but I think you will also feel a slight warm blush inside. You may find it focuses you, offers a slight reminder, and he will be honored and appreciative of the deference.

  6. SFP,
    Definetely working on "waht works for me." It would be so much easier with a guidebook to me though.

    That has been fascinating me about this - it is just a word, a small one at that, and words are not actions or even attitudes, but this little word creates a lot of conflict in my mind.

    I am working up to it. Texting or maybe chat - that's a good idea.

    You might just be a better woman than I. I'm afraid that if i were angry or frustrated enough - anything might let fly, especially something with this kind of ambivilance or confusion attached.

    I thnk you are probably dead right. Those are some of the feelings i get even thinking about it.