Thursday, September 16, 2010
sum or integrate?
We have also had an even longer lull in the time since we have been able to play. Well - I call it play - sometimes it is playful and a really pleasant degree of pain, sensation, manipulation, etc. At other times it is much more serious physical submission for me. Of course it is also sexual, but it is an awful lot more - as I am learning.
We are starting to figure out the connections among the physical submission, and the sexual, and our everyday beings and interactions. I think there is a lot more to explore and to learn about this, but we're starting to see it.
Being frustrated sexually, being horny, makes me a bit edgy and a little hyper and at the same time distracted. But, like so many other contradictions in this whole thing, it also makes me feel controlled, cared for, useful and submissive. Not surprisingly, it makes me want to be near him, to touch him, to be intimately in contact with him. Paradoxically, sex and being sastisfied sexually also make me feel closer to him and to want to maintain that contact.
The edginess that comes from lacking physical submission is different. It spirals and feeds on itself. It sows doubt: self doubt and doubt in us, doubt in his interest. It distances me from him, makes me want to avoid him. It makes me move away from a submissive stance with him, often to an unpleasant or outright confrontational stance. This impacts both of our moods as well as our interactions and thus the whole family.
Over the past year we have explored a lot of new things. We have slowly added elements to our lives and to our dynamic, or - as we added elements, it started to become a dynamic. It started with my submission and his domination as an effective way to revive our sex life. We added further ways to express that dynamic physically, then added ways to extend that to our interactions out of the bedroom. I have to believe we will continue to add, and probably discard, elements as we go.
I think though that at this point, we need to also find ways to integrate all the elements. As it has become more and more apparent that all the elements impact all the aspects of our lives, it seems like we should try to take advantage of that.