Thursday, September 16, 2010

sum or integrate?

My husband has a nasty case of poison ivy right now - or poison sumac, or poison something.  It's over most of the parts of him that weren't covered by shorts and t-shirt.  Most significantly, it's all over his hands.  He won't touch me, at least not there, or there; maybe there - just enough to apply something pinchy, you know - for fun. Of course, I can (will, do) see to his needs - no poisn ivy there!  The result of course is a fairly well satisfied (if a little itchy) him, and a crawling out of my skin, very wanting, un-satisfied me. 

We have also had an even longer lull in the time since we have been able to play.  Well - I call it play - sometimes it is playful and a really pleasant degree of pain, sensation, manipulation, etc.  At other times it is much more serious physical submission for me. Of course it is also sexual, but it is an awful lot more - as I am learning. 

We are starting to figure out the connections among the physical submission, and the sexual, and our everyday beings and interactions.  I think there is a lot more to explore and to learn about this, but we're starting to see it. 

Being frustrated sexually, being horny,  makes me a bit edgy and a little hyper and at the same time distracted.  But, like so many other contradictions in this whole thing, it also makes me feel controlled, cared for, useful and submissive. Not surprisingly, it makes me want to be near him, to touch him, to be intimately in contact with him.  Paradoxically, sex and being sastisfied sexually also make me feel closer to him and to want to maintain that contact. 

The edginess that comes from lacking physical submission is different.  It spirals and feeds on itself.  It sows doubt: self doubt and doubt in us, doubt in his interest.  It distances me from him, makes me want to avoid him.  It makes me move away from a submissive stance with him, often to an unpleasant or outright confrontational stance.  This impacts both of our moods as well as our interactions and thus the whole family. 

Over the past year we have explored a lot of new things.  We have slowly added elements to our lives and to our dynamic, or - as we added elements, it started to become a dynamic.  It started with my submission and his domination as an effective way to revive our sex life.  We added further ways to express that dynamic physically, then added ways to extend that to our interactions out of the bedroom.  I have to believe we will continue to add, and probably discard, elements as we go. 

I think though that at this point, we need to also find ways to integrate all the elements.  As it has become more and more apparent that all the elements impact all the aspects of our lives, it seems like we should try to take advantage of that. 


  1. I hate that for him! I know first hand how miserable it is. But for the record...Once the original poison liquid from the plant is washed away, it is not contagious. It doesn't matter if you touch the rash, or if the blisters break and ooze, still not contagious. So, that is good for you. It can't be spread in that manner. Keep meds on it and hopefully it will go away soon. I feel his discomfort!


  2. Oh GG,
    That is awful!! For both of you, although mainly for your husband!

    Hopefully it will go away soon and you can both get your lives back to normal.

    Try to be good because if you are anything like me you will probably find yourself pushing the limits since you know there isn't a darn thing he can do at this point.... Hopefully you are smarter then that.

    Here's BIG GET WELL SOON to your husband and just try to spoil him while he is going through this. It's miserable!


  3. perhaps the symbol you seek is

    let me know

    I hope he feels better soon so he can concentrate better on other improvement projects requiring his attention.

  4. Talk about discomfort on both your levels! I remember being with another adult who also had PI and as we're fiendishly scratching we laughed lots deciding the the relief (very temporary) was right up there with 'the big O' - we are both allergic to it so that may be part of it.... OK sorry this is major tmi for my first post here. I do apologize, truly! I wish you both speedy relief.

  5. DV,
    Thank you. We know about the contagious/not contagious thing - intellectually - in practice i think he's nto quite convinced.

    Thank you so much. We have lived all our married life with him often gone for work. I guess i've gotten to the point that i push it - or not - whether he's there or not.

    Sir J,
    I'm afraid my math doesn't go beyond the basic. I have never been able to grasp coproducts. I am willing to learn though. And i hope he can be back a the things he needs to do as well.

    I appreciate it. He has had way more control than i could in not scratching. He got oral steroids this week - so i'm hoping for the best too.