Sunday, September 19, 2010

that submissive feeling

Actually, I think there are a range of feelings I would say are submissive feelings for me, and I crave all of them. 

There is the shy, inward, warm, enveloped feeling I have when I stand in front of him with my head bowed into his chest.  This feeling draws me to him inexorably and feels like a flow of energy between us.  Small gestures throughout the day recall this feeling in a smaller way: putting his hand over mine or holding my hand as he drives, coming up behind me and holding the back of my neck just so, touching my face...

There is a similar feeling when I first see him after some time apart, or maybe when we are finally alone after being so much in the larger world.  It is tinged with nervousness or anxiousness, not anxiety, but anticipation, a sense of hopefullness, but not for anything specific.  It is the promise of being able to reconnect with him. 

There is a submissive feeling that comes from him caring for me, paying me attention or doing things for me.  This one is sometimes still a little uncomfortable.  It feels good to be cared for and I melt into it, but there is a small voice whispering that I shouldn't let him, or he shouldn't be doing that. 

Then there is the pussy clenching, heat rising, chest tightening feeling.  Maybe it's not submission, but it's certainly related.  It's not the same as arousal exactly, or maybe it is, just moreso.  It happens of course in obvious contexts: as he pushes me to my knees in front of him, or turns me face down on the edge of the bed; in fastening the leather cuffs; and as I wait in the position he likes, naked and exposed and available.  He can call up this feeling in me most anytime with just a whispered comment or veiled allusion.

But the same feeling comes from smaller, seemingly non-sexual sources: when he asks something of me, in that moment that I see the challenge and it's implications; being given a task, no matter how small, that is clearly just for his whim or desire, not for any purpose outside the two of us; and doing very small things that carry a great deal of significance, things that are so difficult because of their meaning, things like calling him Sir.  These produce a jumble of arousal, rebellion, quiet shyness, desire to please, and almost overwhelming desire to be close to him.  In short - I think, most of the elements of that submissive feeling.


  1. GG,

    I wish there was a way to encapsulate all those submissive feelings. Submission (at least for me) is very sexually freeing and at the same time, well hot. D/s burns hotter and that's very true.

    Those intense sexual feelings bleed over into the most odd non sexual ways. Yet, they're all part of submission.


  2. Mouse,
    I think i probably missed a few - like the "i dissappointed him", or "i really, really screwed up" feelings. but it has been fascinating all the new feelings and from unexpected causes.

  3. Beautiful descriptions! There are so many deep feelings that surface with all this I have a hard time pinpointing and describing them all. You did a very good job breaking them down.