All those different things I described in my last post, that submissive feeling - I really wish I could find a way to hold onto it.
When he is out of town, I still handle all the things I need to handle, all the day to day stuff. My routine and caring for my children, our home, my work, all still are seen to and taken care of. Except for sleeping - I don't sleep when he is gone, and I am not a person who functions well on little sleep.
But out of sight is indeed out of mind and his influence, his control, my feeling of balance and of being connected to him very much wane as he is gone. I become a different me, in charge and efficient, businesslike and busy, even and especially with him when we do talk on the phone. I end up being not particularly nice or loving, and certainly not submissive.
I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I am so much better off with his control of me, with my needing him. And I do wish I could float along in that very contented, slightly erotic, at peace, and submissive state of mind all the time. In this case though, I believe that I need to find a way to keep myself pointed the right direction. No one can live in the sunshine and daisies all the time. I need to remind myself that he is still who he is and I am me and our relationship is what it is, no matter the geography. And I need to then act that way.