Tuesday, December 21, 2010

balance and entropy

I do wonder, every once in awhile, if I would remain so interested, involved, submissive maybe - if I were always satisfied.  If my sexual hunger were always appeased, if I were fed as much pain (and more) as i daydream about, if our lives could revolve around just dominating and submitting and all that stuff - would I still attend to it, crave it, enjoy it, or even tolerate it.  I think probably not.  I think there is absolutely something very motivating about being hungry for more.

Of course - i think there's a risk to being disappointed too often also.

I do want it to ramp up and up and up - to live the fantasy, see how far it can all go.  That is obviously not really teneable, or sustainable; it's probably not even very smart.  It sounds like and addiction actually - not so much a healthy way to live. 

I am so glad I'm not the one in charge of deciding where that balance point is. 

Of course I have to give some honest indication of whether I feel too far off the mark - off in one direction or the other.

And of course it's a moving target - every change to the system - whether to maintain it or realign it - alters the system and its dynamics.  Even leaving it alone is obviously going to change the system - it has entropy  it will wind down and lose energy if not pushed or pulled. 

Sometimes it gets off balance for no apparent reason at all.

Soooo glad it's not my job. 


  1. I know what you mean... and I can tell you from experience that those thoughts in our heads about what we think we want? It's not all it's cracked up to be... Asha decided to give me a taste (when the little girl was in school) and well... it didn't even last a few hours before I'd had enough. LOL



  2. Turiya,
    I have a feeling you are right - that would probably be the case for me too. Have a good time with your family over the break.