Sunday, January 23, 2011

focus on the pain

Reading about pain was as big a part of falling into this whole thing for me; it triggered something undeniable in me. We have been discovering a world of sensations and responses and uses for pain since we began.

My responses i think have changed over time - or my tolerance - or my focus maybe.  Spanking at first felt awkward and a bit silly and odd and maybe humiliating, among many other things.  But the rush of emotions and sensations and the thrill of it - all made it an overwhelming experience   I remained mentally focused right there - my mind couldn't wander. 

Over time - as the my submission of our dynamic grew to include a lot of other areas of life - pain, and particularly spanking, or impact play -  became less a really fun, erotic diversion and more an integral part of how we communicate and how we connect.  It had less of the overwhelming newness - the first kiss butterflys as it were - but it came to have more flavors, more moods, more depth. It said more things.  And sometimes it went surprising places - some amazing, some not so good, some just surprising.

He rarely pulls me over his knee - he also doesn't use his hand often.  The other night he did both - but in the gentlest, most sensuous way imaginable.  Rubbing and caressing and spanking.  But spanking with just the right touch - an impact and then a bloom of warmth and tingle - that's all, over and over.  Add some roaming fingers to the mix and i was quickly over the top - a surprise to us both. 

Later the same night the flavor changed.  I was face down and with my ankles and wrists secured to the corners of the bed, and I was assured i would be that way for some time.  He progressed through various implements, but he started easy and manageable, moving around and building slowly.  I found myself not approaching the edge of panic as i sometimes do.  I was able to focus on my breathing and on experiencing each strike.  I felt the initial sting of the crop or the heavy thud of the flogger. I felt the vibrations through my flesh, i felt the waves travel out from the center, i felt the warmth start and then spread, following the waves of vibrations.  Then the tingling as the pain sunk in, then spread, then dissipated. 

After awhile, the pain began to build on itself as he struck already red and tender areas again and again.  I cried and sobbed and then did start to approach that edge of panic.  Especially with the cane, it was very difficult to focus and not slip into panic.  But each time I started to slip, he touched me, my arm, my leg, and he talked me through it.  I don't remember the words, but mostly I think telling me to focus on the pain.  It doesn't make sense now, but at the time it worked.  Focusing on the feelings, the sensations of each blow, even as they became sharper and harder and much more intense, focusing on the pain let me handle the pain. 

How did he know?


  1. I find it amazing how being talked to while experiencing pain changes and enhances the whole experience.
    I often find myself asking "how did He know" lol.

  2. Nicely worded post. I echo each and every sentiment.

  3. Fascinating. Thanks for sharing.


  4. lil,
    This is really the first time he's done this - in such a focused way anyhow - it was very different.

    Thank you.

    You're welcome.