Thursday, January 13, 2011

i've been tasked

The alternate title for this was, "never in a million years," because i would never have expected this to be a possibility.

I am going to a conference in a far away city next month and my husband is going to be able to join me for the weekend at the end of it, a nice and very unusual chance for us to do something fun, just the two of us.  Last week he asked me to find "something related to BDSM" that we could do while there.  I thought along the lines of rent a movie or maybe, maybe visit a toy store.  He corrected me - see if it is possible to find a club or event. 

It is absolutely impossible for me to express the degree to which that shocked me.  My husband is not a "joiner." He is sociable and outgoing, and joins in for things that need him to contribute, like scouts, church, etc.  But he doesn't join groups for his own areas of interest.  He runs, and he studies about running on his own zealously, but has never been intrested in joining a local running club.  He is also very private about personal matters, our relationship and certainly our sex life are kept very closely between just us.  The idea of participating in a group on the basis of and about our relationship and sex life is still unfathomable to me.

So - why?  The far away-ness of the city helps, no doubt.   His answer/explanation is that he wants to learn more.  I have introduced the ideas of ttwd to us, and i read and look around for ideas and further understanding.  For a variety of reasons, it is much harder for him to immerse himself online or otherwise try to reaserch this kind of thing.  I have talked to him in the past about the fact that it is sometimes hard for me to align the roles of submissive and "teacher" in this.  

So - this completely unexpected, seemingly completely out of character step is something he is doing for me.  He will tell me, once he reads this, that it is for us, and so it is.  But it is something huge and, yes - to benefit both of us, the entity that is us.  But also - something huge, because he loves me; and i can't really put into words yet how hard it is for me to have something like this done for me.  I'm not good at having things done for me. 

And I'm not even letting my brain go near the big box of anxieties and fears about actually doing such a thing.  What if it does turn out to be a real possibility?  I have to push down reluctance and shyness in meeting a room full of PTO moms, how am i possibly going to manage this?  What about the fact that he and i  have no sort of protocol at all and I have no idea whatsoever how to behave in this situation?  What about dressing?  Unless mid-western business casual counts as fetish wear, I'm SOL.....

I think I'm getting way too close to that box now. 


  1. PTO moms you have to meet again.
    These potential people are strangers that you will never see again.
    It might actually be easier...


  2. Wow! I'd be freaking out too if I were in your shoes. My husband is also very closed off about our relationship and sex life, never in a million years would I think he'd take step of publicity like that.

    Good luck!

    I'm sure you'll find something that can be enjoyed by both of you, if you find anything that is.

  3. Wow! I really can't say more than that, except maybe have fun!


  4. How cool! I"m excited for you! Message me if you want to talk about it, ok?


  5. Jz,
    Thank you. I know the logic of it, the shyness sometimes moves just into the realm of illogical for me though. (I want to keep my nose - thanks)

    Believe me - i would have bet heavily against it - and i never gamble.

    Thanks, not even sure yet what will be possible.

    I think i will likely be looking for advice - thanks.

  6. LOL. I have to say that I found this post much more cute and humorous when I was fairly certain it wasn't going to happen to me. I mean, after all, my husband is a very private man. Ahem, shit changes fast around here.
    Best of luck. I will probably be doing an echo of your post soon lol.