Sunday, January 30, 2011
he's teaching me
Another entry in the category, "I never would have guessed..." My husband has decided he would like me to own (and wear - sometimes) a corset. Just saying those words sounds weird. I seriously never would have thought...
But he does, and so, after hours of research and websurfing, we decide on an off-the-shelf model to start. One has been purchased. (Actually two, because i was convinced the first one would not fit properly, and even off-the-shelf, they take a long time to be delivered, and i need it in time for the party I'm busy not thinking about - in two weeks.) Turns out, the second (above - except on me, not her) does fit much more nicely than the first - which is good, because the first looked quite awful and I'm having a little trouble with this whole area anyhow.
Part of my ambivalence right now is that this is something people wear to achieve an "ideal" look or form. I don't have that form, steel and laces or not. I look a far cry from the pictures in the online catalog. It is hard enough for me to accept myself as is, much less in something that is "trying" to make me look more ideal. That's my difficulty, from my female mind point of view.
I really don't understand the male POV on this one either though. For many of the things he does, I can imagine what the appeal is for him. With this, beyond the resultant body shape, i just can't relate or imagine it. And since I'm not feeling like i really offer that visual, that leaves a blank space in my understanding. Not that i need to understand why he wants what he wants, per se. But, really, to feel like i'm doing or presenting something he would value - I have to believe he likes and wants it. If I can't imagine why - then I have to learn it, or be shown. That would take time - time to play with it, time to see him enjoy it.
And that is exactly what happened. He played with it - more to the point - he played with it on me, with me in it. He appreciated it, had fun with it, was clearly affected (intensely aroused), and had that Cheshire cat grin that tells me so much. And this teaches me - it teaches me both that it is about the visual or the overall effect or the form he enjoys, not what i perceive or think he should enjoy. It is about his aesthetic, not mine. Also - it doesn't matter that i can't imagine why it works for him, it does, and that is something I want to offer him.