Do other people wonder what's inside his (or her) head? Wonder what he's up to? Not to try to second guess, in the sense of criticize or tear down, but to just wonder?
I can't shut my brain off. I wonder. Why did he do that? What was going through his mind then? I wonder what he meant by that? How does he feel about this? What should i read into what he said or did? What's the plan? Where is it all going?
These thoughts come into my head completely unbidden, before I even realize they are on the way, they've fully formed, and connected with other thoughts, and gone through three iterations of analysis.
Of course we talk, and of course he will answer my questions - except there are questions he won't answer. He will be open with me about how he feels about things, about me, about how he wants things to be. But there are definite areas he won't discuss with me. Naturally, I even try to analyze the meaning behind the patterns of what he will or won't talk about.
That is one of the biggest differences now vs. before. The equality of what each of us is expected to share of our thoughts and feelings is no longer. He decides how much he is willing to talk about with me, and he decides how much i should be open about also.
So - do other people do this? Or am i out of control? Is this not really submitting, or submissive?
I stink at metacognition - actually - that's not quite right - I can see very well what my brain is doing and where it's going, I even see a lot of the why. I do parse and analyse, it's a steady stream of consciousness going pretty much all the time. I am certain though that it isn't of the flavor, "You should have done this and not that." It isn't second guessing or critiquing. If his actions or words are unclear or somehow strike me wrong, then i am up front with him about that. I ask for and he provides clarification. My internal dialogue is not a running rant or nag, it doesn't have good/bad judgements to it.
But is it somehow disrespectful? Or show a lack of submission or surrender, or something? What i do stink at is making my mind do what i want it to do, training it to focus on certain things, and to stay clear of other areas. So I'm not sure I could stop the wondering in any case.