Thursday, February 24, 2011

What's left?

There is no high drama, not really even any major angst.  I no longer feel that obsessive, all-consuming drive for more, for going further, for pushing harder.  I'm definitely beyond that sub-frenzy or whatever it was that made me feel like I absolutely had to have more control, more pain, more sex.  The highs aren't as high, but the lows aren't as low.

I'm certainly not the same.  I'm riding along in a very different gear than ever before, but i feel like i've found the right gear and the right cadence.  When things are good, I revel in it, thrive on it, am thankful for it.  When real life keeps us physically apart and mentally overwhelmed with so many other things, I miss it, and crave it, and i try, not very successfully, to be patient until the pendulum reverses course.

A friend has assured me that this is when the good part starts, when it really gets interesting.  Selfishly, I hope so.  I miss the highs, I miss the intensity of all the new feelings and experiences.  I conveniently forget the lows and the angst and the drama.  And a little bit of me wonders and worries that without that intensity it will fade away.  Will it be self sustaining?  Does it have enough momentum? 

5 comments:

  1. imho, it will keep the momentum and when it rolls on it's own, the highs become higher and the lows rarer.

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  2. greengirl,

    You've made it to a good place with all this! Thats wonderful! I don't think it will fade away, because if it does start the drama will return and you will get it back to where it needs to be.

    Love,
    serenity

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  3. lil,
    sounds like the voice of experience - i do hope it is the way for us.

    Serenity,
    I hadn't thought of that - in fact i had been focused on the worry and not thinking i could do anything abotu it.

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  4. It's so weird! You and I have completely different life situations, but I find myself in exactly the same place. I try to just appreciate the balance and know that with the drama and angst, I miss out on the little joys in life.

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  5. His Girl,
    Maybe differnt situations, btu in the end, we must have something in common - submissiveness at least, and a journey. And you're right, i should be grateful for a better balance in life. thanks

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