I've bitten off way too much for this summer. I have ended up with many more projects at work than i had expected, and much more travel for work - which actually - has never been part of my job before. I kept waiting for things to slow down; instead, now i think i need to learn to adjust and fit the living of my life into this new reality.
My husband is travelling more too, that may stay the same or it may get better. Who knows?
So - overall - less time together - more passing back and forth.
Add to that - our boys seem to have a pact for the summer to make sure one of them is always at home with us - at all times. They are very close in age, but have managed to align their schedules and activities precisely opposite to each other. Less and less opportunity for us to have time together ALONE!
Last year, the year before - being in this spot and thinking about the coming few months would have put me in a bad place in my head. I would have feared the worst, i would have imagined it all falling apart, i would have lost my balance and spiraled to a crash.
This time - i don't find myself wondering all those horrible what-if's. I'm sure i will be up and down some, and my balance will wobble. I'm sure i will wish for more than i will get. Who knows - i may crash even. But i'm hopeful that our dynamic is established enough for each of us to deal with it all more effectively. I'm confident enough in the fact that he wants what he wants and that he will try like hell to make it happen. And I have enough experience to know that we've recovered from crashes before - they don't have to mean the end of it all.
On the other hand - I've come to realize something that does make me wonder.
I've had a bad case of poison ivy the past few weeks. I have no idea how i got it - but it is ALL OVER. I itched. (Can i just say - when the itch builds and builds, as you sit on your hands - finally breaking down and scratching that itch is just about as good as an orgasm.) And i scratched - i scratched a few spots into infection.
I can be stubborn about seeking medical care - in general i don't. And since poison ivy doesn't reach the threshold of life threatening - i hadn't planned to this time. My husband was on my case. After awhile, so were my sons. And even my online friend read me the riot act in his own way.
[Yes - now i've gone to the doctor and the magic steroids are doing their job.]
The wondering though is that this is something that hasn't changed since our dynamic has. I've always been like this. My husband has always asked me to make the necessary appointments or to think about getting something looked at. And i have always politely (or maybe not so politely) put him off. Eventually i have taken care of the biggies that one needs to take care of, even the woman things.
But it did make me stop and wonder why this particular area is different than the rest of our lives at this point.