Wednesday, May 23, 2012

back to wondering - and not

I've bitten off way too much for this summer.  I have ended up with many more projects at work than i had expected, and much more travel for work - which actually - has never been part of my job before.  I kept waiting for things to slow down; instead, now i think i need to learn to adjust and fit the living of my life into this new reality.

My husband is travelling more too, that may stay the same or it may get better.  Who knows?

So - overall - less time together - more passing back and forth.

Add to that - our boys seem to have a pact for the summer to make sure one of them is always at home with us - at all times.  They are very close in age, but have managed to align their schedules and activities precisely opposite to each other.  Less and less opportunity for us to have time together ALONE!

Last year, the year before - being in this spot and thinking about the coming few months would have put me in a bad place in my head.  I would have feared the worst, i would have imagined it all falling apart, i would have lost my balance and spiraled to a crash.

This time - i don't find myself wondering all those horrible what-if's.  I'm sure i will be up and down some, and my balance will wobble. I'm sure i will wish for more than i will get.  Who knows - i may crash even.  But i'm hopeful that our dynamic is established enough for each of us to deal with it all more effectively.  I'm confident enough in the fact that he wants what he wants and that he will try like hell to make it happen.  And I have enough experience to know that we've recovered from crashes before - they don't have to mean the end of it all.


On the other hand - I've come to realize something that does make me wonder.

I've had a bad case of poison ivy the past few weeks.  I have no idea how i got it - but it is ALL OVER.  I itched.  (Can i just say  - when the itch builds and builds, as you sit on your hands - finally breaking down and scratching that itch is just about as good as an orgasm.) And i scratched - i scratched a few spots into infection.

I can be stubborn about seeking medical care - in general i don't.  And since poison ivy doesn't reach the threshold of life threatening - i hadn't planned to this time.  My husband was on my case.  After awhile, so were my sons.  And even my online friend read me the riot act in his own way.

[Yes - now i've gone to the doctor and the magic steroids are doing their job.]

The wondering though is that this is something that hasn't changed since our dynamic has.  I've always been like this.  My husband has always asked me to make the necessary appointments or to think about getting something looked at.  And i have always politely (or maybe  not so politely) put him off.   Eventually i have taken care of the biggies that one needs to take care of, even the woman things.

But it did make me stop and wonder why this particular area is different than the rest of our lives at this point.



16 comments:

  1. Sending hugs and an email...

    Ha!

    m

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. mouse - thanks - and thanks for your reply to my comment yesterday - that was perfect.

      Delete
  2. Hmm.. this makes me think. I am very bad about seeking medical advice. My husband suggests that I go have things looked at, but I don't. However, I know why he doesn't push, I worked in healthcare for 30 years, people come to me for advice. When people consider you an authority in a particular area they often think you will just automatically do the right thing. Not true in my case. I hope you feel better soon.

    Maybe since you and your hubby are both going to be doing some traveling for work you could arrange to meet up somewhere away from the house.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. faerie,
      Yea - i do work in healthcare too - always have. I don't know if that's why people don't push me - but it is part of why i am never in a hurry to seek help.

      The family is coming along on one of my trips - it should actually be a great family trip - but just my husband coming isn't an option.

      thanks - i am of course getting better - the drugs work - and i should have gone sooner.

      Delete
  3. Do you want this specific area to be different?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I rolled this around in my head yesterday - came up with a lot of responses - no answers though. I don't think he doesn't interfere because he just doesn't care. When i look at it honestly - it isn't something i wished he would do. In fact, would feel much more invasive - it would mean control, or at least influence, at a very personal level. Also - i would have to face an area i don't handle ideally. For those reasons though - i know it would be a very effective way for him to access my submission.

      Delete
  4. How wonderful that you feel comfortable that the dynamic will continue despite the time demands both of you face! I think that shows much growth and all of your "wondering" has paid off.

    So get the medical thing. I think that by time we mom's get every one to the various Dr's, dentist, orthodontist and various appts that they all need to go to we just ignore our own issues. We would just rather suffer physically than go through the hassle required to get our own issues settled.

    Good luck with all of your projects!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. that is a huge part of it - the plain old hassle of calling, scheduling, working around school and work and activities. It does have to be something pretty big for me to want to take that on for myself.

      And thanks - having the projects is a good thing - just weren't totally expected or planned for.

      Delete
  5. Despite the busyness, it sounds like you're in a good place.

    Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is a good place for us. Thank you.

      Delete
  6. I love that you guys have made it to such a balanced place!
    Yay!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me too - actually - i need to start thinking about the word stability vs. balanced - hmmmm. thanks for the thought.

      Delete
  7. I have been there. All I can tell you is that everything always gets done, but start thinking about how to get back to balance. You can only sustain crazy for so long.

    You know, other people respect the boundaries that you set, but you have to be the one to set them. I don't know why I feel compelled to tell you this - but I actually read this post a long time earlier and something prodded me to come back and comment on it.

    Now I feel stalker-ish. Humph. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you. I do really like my job. It's a good one for me. The projects are good - it's good for me that i got them. But you are absolutely right - i need to work hard and pay close attention to keep it all in balance. And - you're welcome to come back as often as you like - that's what blogs are for.

      Delete
  8. I always placed myself last on the list when I had youngsters. I would buy them nice and decent clothes, because I had such a stigma attached to being so far "out of style" growing up that I made it so my kids would never feel bad about what they didn't have to wear.

    Same thing with food and medical help. . I for sure took them in, but for myself, I always felt a need to "tough it out" I think, ine the end, it is a mommy thing.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Serafina,
    I think you are absolutely right - it's very much a mommy thing - whatever flavor mom happens to be. And i'm very thankful not to be forced into that choice.

    ReplyDelete