I don't, and i won't - when he asks that way.
But there are questions i would really rather not answer, questions I would rather deflect or ignore or giggle at or just put my head down and look away.
There are things i would really rather not admit, especially to him, and especially in that moment.
Of course those are the ones he asks, then looks right at me and says, "and don't lie to me."
It's complicated in a way. For most situations I would not consider holding back feelings and a lie the same thing. But with all of this holding back is in ways a lie.
ReplyDeleteAnd of course you can't do either when he ask that way. :)
It's funny - when my husband read this - he became upset - he thought i meant that i have been reluctant to be honest in a lot of situations. I'm really talking about those times he asks me embarrassing questions about my likes or desires or what is arousing to me. Those i would much prefer to be allowed to not answer - since he knows the answer anyhow. There are certainly other types of questions i have difficulty facing, but "don't lie to me" wouldn't fit. Thanks.
DeleteI'm thinking this is not a "what's your favorite color?" situation. Yes we ask those questions on purpose as well.
ReplyDeleteGreen - as you may have guessed. Gee - that wasn't so hard after all. All the others - yea, they are hard.
DeleteOh I find it really difficult to spit the words out when asked a specific question that 'must' have an answer. I usually deflect, ignore, giggle, then bury my face into his chest........ and then answer :)
ReplyDeleteDee x
OOh - yea - i forgot about burying my face - silly isn't it - getting intentionally closer to the source of the torment? And yea - i do end up answering.
DeleteIt is difficult but holding back ususally gets me in more trouble then I care to think about. The crazy thing is I usually feel better and more submissive once it is said and done.
ReplyDeleteThese questions most certainly add to the feeling submissive. Somehow i imagine that's the whole point - that and he simply likes to see me squirm.
DeleteThose are the answers that I whisper into his ear, somehow it is a little easier that way. Of course the whisper comes after the giggling, burying my head in his neck and trying to distract him, which never works.
ReplyDeleteWhispering in his ear would be a bit nicer - somehow that's never one of the options. He's good at asking when i'm in a position that doesn't allow hiding.
Deleteooh i dont like *those* questions, its taken me or should i say him a long time to get me to open up and talk about those things i really dont want to talk about....and it can be simple things like my deepest darkest fantasies which i find hard to admit to...but as he always tells me...he needs and wants to know whats going on in my head regardless of if i think its trivial, the better he knows me the more effective he can dominate and control me.
ReplyDeleteand we both want that
tori
I love your last line - yes - we do both want that! And how convenient that this kind of asking accomplishes just that in the moment and in the future.
DeleteYou know, it took a long long time before I was okay with being honest about some things. I tried to hide my true nature from both of us while still wanting these things. I pretended to pretend to fight, when, truthfully, I wanted to struggle for real.
ReplyDeleteI know that he accepts me fully now, no matter what, so the honesty comes a hell of a lot easier.
It's funny - i do believe he accepts me - i wonder why he does or think maybe he shouldn't - but i know he does. Of course, the feel of it all would be different if these admissions were easy, there would be no tension, no challenge, no real submission.
ReplyDeleteOh yea...And the eye contact makes it so much harder. For me anyways.
ReplyDeleteIt's a terrible squirmy felling...But there's something delicious about it too.
lil,
DeleteGood to see you back. It is one more of those things that make no sense at all. thanks