This is difficult for me to do, but i believe i need to step back from blogging for awhile.
I write here for many of the same reasons others do: to clarify, vent, explain, communicate, learn, to try to understand. I love people's comments and i read other people's thoughts to help me learn what's possible and to understand myself.
It has also been part of my role, to bring information to him, to do the research as it were. I love research. But there have been some predictable downsides to the arrangement. He has made it work, but it has not been a completely comfortable part of my role.
A big part of the difficulty of this role has been keeping straight in my head what is something i read, something i liked, something i thought i might want... vs. what is what he wants, what is right for us.
And i think i've come to a point that i am not able to listen to him well enough, the point that i need to let go of my desire to guide my own understanding and be able to focus much more clearly on him.
I need to shift focus for awhile, and i don't know how it will work or what lies ahead. It is a leap for me. This feels a bit like walking away from friends though, and that makes me very grateful for the friends and the support i have found here. Thank you.