Sunday, May 6, 2012

it has to be one of us

If you had asked my husband 4 yrs ago if he could ever forsee a day that my desire would leave him saying no to me - ever - much less regularly - he would have laughed, hysterically, then sighed a huge "i wish, if only..."

But - it does - and he does. Which is good because lots of things might come to a grinding halt - like jobs, and our household, and our kids lives, etc - if i had my way.

I am now a greedy thing.  I want him, i want the contact, the containment, the control, the attention, the whole big stew of dominance and pain and sensation and SEX.   And i want it - a lot.

And it occurs to me that maybe, to a certain degree, it all depends on this apparent imbalance, and on my being denied.

He uses my desire to manipulate me - of course.  It keeps me focused on him and waiting for him and motivated to please him - all of which i would (try to) be anyhow.  But - him having what i constantly want makes the layout of the power grid painfully obvious.

I do worry that i frustrate him too much, that i am too over the top at times, that i am too needy, that he wishes he had a nice, normal girl.

But... if he always wanted more than me, more than i could provide, if the balance appeared to fall the other way in this  - i would feel like a complete failure. It would crush me. No amount of reassurance could make it work.   I don't think it could work at all.

So - he keeps me often in a state of wanting - whether by necessity, or by design, or both.  And that inequality is absolutely one of the things that keeps the power flowing.


  1. Loved this and how very true it is, i find that the longer im left wanting especially if im denied sexual release and pain then im more pliable in the long run once i get past the stroppiness lol( i know very unsubmissive!)

    Like you i do wander if i can be too needy but i think they like that? they like the control/power it gives them that we are dependent on them to a certain extent..if that makes sense.


    1. tori,
      welcome. I know exactly what you mean. And yea - there is a period of time - as i start to feel needy and before i settle into it that i can be pretty obnoxious. It's not his favorite - to say the least.

  2. hmm...

    Just thinking...

    But You both weren't always in the lifestyle -- yanno for all your married life, right? So you did the typical or normal stuff right? And correct mouse if she's wrong, but you did say that you thought your husband was happier now....

    So your whole line about.."I do worry that i frustrate him too much, that i am too over the top at times, that i am too needy, that he wishes he had a nice, normal girl."

    Now, Omega pointed it out when mouse read him your post...He was just musing why subs/slaves always worry about being too needy...


    1. Mouse,
      i started to give a few easy answers to your question, like - he married the simple me, what if he feels like he's been duped. But you're right - he is and we are much happier, and more stable now. And i think the harder, more honest answer for me as to why i worry about being needy is because it does put me in his power, it makes me feel my dependence on him in a very personal way. Do you think they want us to get over that worry and accept being this way - or do you think that tension and discomfort is part of what they use?

  3. Omega is of course totally correct. It is almost never the case, making you wait is not at all the same as finding it all to much. Making you wait is strategic and just plain fun.

    1. Fun for whom though? It is certainly effective.

  4. gg, what makes you think that a "nice, normal girl" isn't needy? My experience has been that they are--they just express their need in a different way because they can't or won't allow themselves to acknowledge it to themselves or their husband. Those that have graduated beyond nice and normal feel freer to confront and share their needs more directly.

    Of course, as you point out, that gives the husband a certain measure of leverage, which can be great fun!

    1. Jake,
      I suspect you are right. I of course wasn't like that when i was normal ;) I agree though - direct and obvious makes it a lot easier to understand each other. And for you to manipulate i bet. thanks