For a change, i'm working on not wondering.
I didn't think it was going to happen this summer - but it looks like there will be 5 days that the boys will both be away, and if the stars align a little further - he may actually be in town for some of those too.
The thing is - it has been so very long since we have had a chance to play, scene, whatever you want to call it, with actual time and actual privacy. (Scene sounds like there would be an audience - that alone pushes buttons for me).
And i'm anxious, and excited, and very, very nervous. I remember that i like this - i think about it and dream about it and i know that it has been very, very good....sometime in the past.
And it's not like there aren't measures of pain and control, and that rougher, removed, aloof thing, and even a touch of humiliation, in most of our intimate moments...
But frankly - i'm a bit scared.
What if my body forgets it likes this? What if my brain does? What if i can't handle it? What if i can't keep up or give him what he wants? What if he has to slow down on my account?
What if he's really just doing it for me in the first place? What if i'm making assumptions that anything will take place at all, maybe he's not interested? What if i let the anticipation build and then plans change and it all falls apart?
What if all the what if's keep me from being able to let go and follow him?
Sorry but I smiled a bit at this post. Working on not wondering? Think you need to try harder lol :)
ReplyDeleteOh...... I have a feeling your fears will be unfounded, you, and your body, will remember just fine.
Dee x
And here i thought i was getting it under control... i imagine you're right, it's part of me at this point. Thanks.
DeleteYou got a bad case of overthinking going on. Wish I had some wonderful advice on how not to do that, but since I do it too, I don't. A few deep breathes and try to relax and just let it happen, everything will be okay.
ReplyDeletethanks - it is silly to be worried instead of looking forward to it.
DeleteHow come no one ever what ifs - what if I have a great time, what if it is the best time of my life, what if it brings us closer, what if I cum and cum and cum, what if...
ReplyDeleteThat's a darn good question - and i don't have an answer, but i will think about it.
DeleteWaaaaay too much thinking! And I'm often right there with you! :)
ReplyDeleteIt is too much thinking - which is sometimes good - and sometimes not so useful.
DeleteLike the saying goes "It's like riding a bike". LOL!
ReplyDeleteEven if it hasn't been a long time, would you still be having a case of the "what ifs"?
I wonder - if it were more often - i imagine i would find other things to worry about- good point, thanks.
DeleteIt may turn out that the long drought makes the taste of the cool, clear water so much sweeter! Hope the stars cooperate and you get your five days!
ReplyDeleteJake,
DeleteI think you may be absolutely right. Thank you.
It sounds like you really need to be put in a quiet head space where you aren't able to think, or wonder or worry at all. I hope your five days, and nights, are quite magical and push you just to the right place!
ReplyDeleteOh that would be lovely! Even if for brief times. thank you.
DeleteOh greengirl, yes a lot of overthinking. I like Sir J's point: Can you flip it around and start thinking "This is going to be lovely. This is going to be fun. We need this. I trust him. He won't lead me astray" or whatever thoughts that feel right to you.
ReplyDeleteIf you are very nervous and no amount of positive thinking eases your nerves, then go back to the very basics--whatever those may have been for you.
(Thanks so very much for the lovely weekend-wishes! :o))
BleuAme,
ReplyDeletethank you. This is what i'm working to do. And reminding myself that he wants to take advantage of this time also - he wants to enjoy himself and be able to have it go the way he would like.
Ooh, I like Sir J's what ifs...I don't think I have tried those...
ReplyDeleteBut I totally know what it's like to psyche yourself out by completely over thinking the whole way.
Your "scene" bit made me laugh. It's not part of my vocabulary either. Somehow it makes the whole process sound scripted for public consumption.
I hope that your mind quiets and you have an absolutely lovely time with your husband--no matter what you end up doing!
lil,
ReplyDeleteIt is turning out to be lovely - Sir J was onto something... thanks.