I have fb friends who post their feelings - any and all of them - all. the. time. I'm much more of a fb reader than writer; i'm not even so comfortable talking about the things i do, big, small, good, bad, indifferent.... It just isn't me.
I can't imagine posting my feelings to the public like that. I know - somehow putting my relationship and sexual kinks down on paper here is no problem - I truly don't understand it either.
One friend in particular uses the tag "grateful" a lot, to her friends, her family, her God, her husband... I think about that. Her posts strike me as silly and sometimes a little desperate, and sometimes a little self-righteous. I know her though - and she is none of those things. She is genuine, compassionate, passionate, and humble.
The problem is with me. Whatever it is that makes me uncomfortable, that blocks me from expressing more publicly the gratitude that i feel deeply, well - it's not good, or right.
Hence....
I am incredibly grateful for my husband. For his integrity and character, his work and his dedication to us, his family. For his compassion. For his thoughtfulness and selflessness. For his depth.
And i am incredibly grateful to my husband. Thank you for being open, thank you for being willing to take risks and thank you for holding the lines you hold. Thank you for taking care of me, and for taking care of us. Thank you for being the example and for holding the expectations our boys need. Thank you for listening and considering and thank you for making decisions. Thank you for taking it all seriously, thank you for laughing and smiling. Thank you for the joy.
Very good to read this, greengirl. Have you expressed this to your husband explicitly?
ReplyDeleteMalcolm,
DeleteI do thank him in person, but privately, for his actions, or time, etc. I thank you sometimes for being the way he is, some of the things above. I've not done so publicly so to speak - until this. thank you.
I think we don't have true joy UNTIL we are grateful .....it's good that you are exploring this. If we can't be thankful and have a heart of gratitude it usually means that we have something blocking it....anger or bitterness or discontentment or just plain old "i'm scared of feeling vulnerable even to gratefulness." I woman one time told me the only way I would ever be happy was by saying "thank you" eachday..even in the hard things. When I started doing this....saying "thank you that I'm....." it changed the way I saw cirmcumstance and people and even myself.
ReplyDeleteAshley,
DeleteThank you for commenting. I think i do try to have a heart of gratitude, i recognize the very many way's i am so fortunate and the value of the people in my life. Certainly it's something i should keep in mind, keep working on. It's the more public parts of it i struggle with, for myself, and for how i react to others.
I don't have a facebook account...I just go to my husbands to see if there are any funnies worth snatching. And I do find people's need to post everything just short of "have to pee" to be a bit odd...
ReplyDeleteI like this though, this expression of gratefulness--because I think that we often fall into thinking that feeling grateful is the same as expressing it, but it isn't.
lil,
DeleteMy husband creeps my acct - for exactly the same reasons you mention. And you are absolutely right - feeling it and say it to the people who we feel it about - both are so important.
I wasn't a fb person but a friend got me hooked. I think the idea that so many people you know, who know you get to see deeper behind the public face? I'm a "blatter" so I'll post all kinds of stuff. Alot about my kiddo's, my garden, etc. But here, in blogland, sure there are people reading and commenting, but you only know me as nilla, and not in real life, won't see me walking down the street, won't have to meet my eyes over cups of tea after you've posted something deeply personal.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that's something "wrong" with you, btw. Just you're private. Not a thing wrong with that.
:)
nilla
The whole blog concept - the anon part esp - is fascinating - how i can be so different here. I've met a few bloggers irl - and it has been easier than i would have imagined - a very good experience in fact. Thanks for understanding.
Deletejoy is indeed a good thing to be thankful for
ReplyDeletei think so too - thank you.
DeleteThis made me smile gg. It reminded one how grateful she is for many of those things as well.
ReplyDeleteit is something that bears reminding of i think - for me in any case. Thank you.
DeleteBeautiful gg!!
ReplyDeleteava x
Ava,
ReplyDeletethank you.