Tuesday, April 6, 2010


I had never used the cop out "Go ask your dad," or "Wait till your dad gets home" with the kids. If I were the one around, I took care of things, and vice versa. I did, on occasion, with particularly aggressive sales people or phone solicitors, fall back on a feigned helplessness, "I really don't know about all that kind stuff, I'll have to wait and ask my husband, he takes care of all those things." I'm not sure I ever pulled it off, but it got me out of the conversation. Lately I find it would be quite tempting to be able to send the kids their separate ways with a promise to let dad sort it all out, and then just walk away. I don't, but it's tempting.

When it comes to making other househole or life decisions, we had a pretty workable system: really big decisions were made jointly, smaller ones not. This was good most of the time, sort of, but occasionally left one or both of us feeling like we had lost a battle. The process for making decisions is a little different now, and overall it seems to be working. I do sometimes tease him with it, when it's to my advantage, "Oh no, really, you should decide what we will have for supper tonight." But there haven't been big, huge decisions to make, yet.

Now we are facing one, or many huge decisions actually. The difficulty is that I am at the center of it. I am faced with choosing to take a job or choosing to wait a while longer in my current arrangement. The implications for me have me losing sleep already, can I do this, what if I can't, what if I hate it, how do I know if it's the right position for me? The implications for the rest of the family are enormous - moving, new schools, new state, new friends, new everything really.

My husband is of course involved in helping to make this decision, he has shot down a few options already (ok - they were far fetched and I wasn't serious about them anyhow). But, more than that, he is very good at laying out all the angles of a thing to be looked at. He also helps me sort out what are truly the important pros and cons of each option, and what are my own biases or insecurities. He is pushing me to follow this path, not allowing me to give in to those insecurities. He also has experience, lots of experience, hiring people. This advice is helpful since this is the first time in my life I have ever truly had to interview for something.

So, he has veto power, and he certainly helps and prods with the process, but in the end, the decision has to be made by me. And I am quite frankly terrified. This is the big one, and more than any of the small or even not so small day to day decisions, I would so love to just say, "You decide."


  1. Unfortunately, not only does it not work that way, but you'd be kicking yourself for being a weenie afterwards. But I understand your abject terror. Huge involving only yourself is one thing. Huge involving the happiness of your entire family = QUITE daunting.

    We're all cheering for you, does that help?

  2. Wow... those are some big decisions. We've had to make some recently too... regarding our daughter and that's the one area where we will always have equal say... actually more often than not he wants me to make those decisions with his input rather than the other way around and it's never easy to make such huge life changing decisions regardless of the guidance you may be getting.

    I sincerely hope you find what you're looking for and you can ease into your new career and new lives without too much stress.



  3. Spirited,
    Thank you - it's a good stress I think - if there is such a thing. I do hope things work well for you adn your daughter.

  4. I don't believe all stress is bad. I think the stress that pushes us to grow and expand ourselves into new territory is always good... and it can be a bit exciting too. Sorta like the thrill of a roller coaster.