Friday, June 25, 2010

living now

Last night we had a little time that we hadn't expected to have. The stay-awake-way-too-late son was at a sleepover and the good sleeper crashed even earlier than usual. We finished the things we needed to do in the evening, and we were both looking forward to bed time. We had been apart a few days and really wanted to re-connect.

He had me gather a few things while he showered. He had chosen implements that I particularly like, and he had not chosen the one that I really don't like. Then he met me upstairs.

There are times that things go well and times that things are somewhat of a learning experience. Last night was just very nice. It was fast, and intense, and left red stripes completely covering my backside and thighs. For a good part of it, he had me on his new bench. It is a really simple thing, not much more than a sturdier, painted and padded sawhorse. But somehow the position and the support allowed me to relax much more than usual. I slowed my breathing and dropped my limbs. I felt the impact, but the pain was much further away, like a sound that you know is loud, but isn't because of the distance.

We talked a little before we fell asleep. I explained how I had felt, that I assumed he had been easing off as he went. He told me it had been the opposite: he had been surprised at how he was able to increase what he was doing without distressing me. He liked that, and he liked seeing me respond the way I did.

We talked too about the fact that it had been a fairly simple thing. There were no new things tried, no high emotions involved, no boundaries pushed, no time spent doing things I find difficult, nothing extreme about it. Granted, all of these valuations are relative. The whole evening would have been shocking to many people or a giant yawn to others. Also granted, everyone has to go through the learning process, everything we do is new and boundary pushing at first. If we never push, and never have the 'learning experiences', times like last night would not be possible.

But we both agreed that we are in no rush to charge full speed ahead. It is nice sometimes to be very content in the now.


  1. That sounds very nice, almost relaxing in the way you tell it.

  2. It's lovely when the kids go to bed early isn't it. We are having such a difficult time getting ours to bed at a decent hour this summer.

    How wonderful that you have come up with something that makes it easier for you to relax and submit. It's amazing the difference positioning makes.

  3. Sometimes it surprises me how the unplanned and simple experiences can have a very nice effect.

  4. within the boundaries? is that aloud? hmmmm.

  5. Sometimes by not pushing, things stop resisting and surge ahead on their own.

  6. Alice,
    Welcome. Oddly enough - it really was - relaxing, rejeuvinating, reconnecting...

    The long days are really tough for falling asleep. Three sports a day helps with the fatigue at bedtime - it's great.

    It is nice, a pleasant surprise for sure.

    Sir J,
    I think every once in awhile is ok.

    hmmm - I hadn't been thinking that deeply. It's a good thought.

  7. That's so much like my caning the other week, which was surprising for me because I sooooooooooooo hate the cane. Maybe the difference was being OTK? I dunno. Glad you had such a good experience with it though... sometimes you just need that almost meditative state. It really does balance you.



  8. I've had that experience of "feeling the impact, but the pain was much further away". These are the times when the experience on the whole is usually more pleasant for me also. Being relaxed, open and accepting help me with that but like you, not "every time" goes that way. I'm glad you two had some alone time. I'm green with envy actually!

  9. Turiya,
    Thank you It was good - for the balance, for the connection, just for the sensations.

    The alone time is plenty rare indeed. Have to take advantage when we can.