I have only questions today. I wrote to my husband a few days ago that our relationship suddenly feels like 24/7 D/s. We hadn't planned that, or sought it out, or even really thought it would be a good thing for us to pursue. But here it is.
Is this the right thing for us? And how would we know? How do you make a decision about something so overarching and all encompassing without having tried it out first?
Of course we did that when we got married. We committed to 'for better or for worse, forever.' That was similar I suppose, except that we had lived together for some time, and marriage leaves a lot more wiggle room than this does for compromise and re-adjusting, and we were young and niave and, and, and ...
Should we just keep moving along having it just be what it will be, the entity that arises naturally from the interaction of our individual persons and needs and wants? Or is there a greater gain to the act of committing to something more concrete? I do believe that the commitment of marriage in and of itself can give people an extra support in difficult times that is not available from living together or what have you. Or it can turn out to be the albatross dragging two individuals into their own personal ruin.
The idea that my submitting to him one time, albeit one very carefully thought out and openly discussed time, seems unrealistic. What if I change? what if he does? Sure, the small changes we have made so far have improved our relationship, our family life, and I think, each of us as individuals. But sometimes it is hard. And the nature of this beast is that I commit, on some level, to stop worrying about questions like this. To just do. Is that a good idea?
And how do I know that this is the right way for me to live? How do I know that my personality not only can tolerate such a thing, but can thrive and grow with such a thing? How do I know that this is the best way for me? How does he decide if it is best for him? How do we know if it is the way for is? And if we move forward, how do I stop myself from wondering?