I've been in a funk that i don't seem to be coming out of. I'm not depressed or really even down, just blah. I'm sure there is a lot of very mundane stuff contributing. It's supposed to be spring, but its still cold and brown; family stuff; nasty sinus infection; the roof is leaking; my dog left me and my wife ran away - go ahead and sing along...
To a great extent, I think i'm simply in withdrawal. The last two years have seen almost every part of our lives in upheaval - almost all in good ways, but upended nonetheless. I finished something that consumed my time effort for a long time, I changed jobs, we moved far away, the kids changed schools and friends and activities, and - oh yea - my husband and i re-worked our marriage pretty thoroughly. Now - we are here, things are rolling along, it's all working out pretty well, (the roof is being fixed), and we seem to have ended up at a place and a dynamic in our marriage that fits us better than i think either of us imagined it would. Suddenly i don't have to work so hard - at any of it.
It's like paddling furiously through a long tricky spot, then finding yourself still paddling furiously in the lovely calm stretch. When you realize where you are, you slow down and rest, but some part of your body feels like it ought to be still racing. I think i just need to figure out how to switch gears (to really mix metaphors) on a lot of fronts.
I've done calm stretches of regular life before, i have an idea how to manage that, more or less. For ttwd, i don't know - there was so much to learn, so much change, and so much positive feedback from all of it, that i think the withdrawal is a little harsh. There is also the anxiety that not focusing on it so intently means it will fade away, or isn't there at all. It's easy for me to lose sight of the fact that the change and the work of making the changes happen aren't the object of the effort, but the dynamic itself is. My guess is that i need to be able to shift even further to see that my husband and myself are the true focus, not the dynamic.
In the mean time, i think i need to learn how to be where we are.