mouse's question - funny you should ask.....

mouse asked:
Rituals and our little routines are quite important. 

Sometimes they float under our radar and we fail to realize they are a ritual.

You mentioned in your post that there are things you wish he would do or require of you...Do you care to expand on those things (of course they change maybe even from day to day)? Do you have a wish list of things you wish he'd require?

Is there anything that he has required or mentioned that made you feel like, "really?! You've got to be kidding!"

I think i get wish-y when i feel like either we have too much going on - too much space between us, or that i have too long a leash.  There are very few things that i kind of like as a ritual, or really think i would like, that he just doesn't care about.  Me being on the floor in the evenings when we are together is one of the few.  I think it would feel lovely - he likes me curled up next to him, with my head on his shoulder or his lap, where he can pet my head, or reach around and play with whatever bits he wants, or just feel me there while he does his work.  In the end - that is quite lovely too...

Other things occur to me, appeal to me, or pass through my mind i think mostly because they seem like things that would make me feel connected, or which would reinforce my place, or let me feel his Dominance more explicitly.  It's funny, because as i think about it - the things that come to mind recently are not so much service based as they are small humiliations or kinks: being plugged, wearing collar or cuffs, orgasm denial, that kind of thing.  So maybe i need to think about whether these things are really in his service, or mine.  

So - you asked for specifics - and so far i've evaded.  One thing that i have thought about for a longer time is cleaning him afterward, with my mouth.  He has never asked this of me, he always cleans himself up, or allows me to use a cloth to do it.  There is no ritual to it at all.  And I've often felt a twinge of guilt or unease about this, like it's something i really ought to be doing.  This one i can honestly say is not coming from a kink or 'humiliate me in a  sexy way' kind of place.  But i also have no idea if he would want this, care about it all, or if it's like sitting on the floor - it's something lots of other people do but which he doesn't care about at all.  I suppose i'll find out one way or another soon enough.  

I do kind of wish there were rituals, or rules, or maybe even just guidelines around my speech. It's an area where i often feel i have too much leash - or none at all.  And/or it's an area where i tend to push back and let my irritation, discomfort, uneasiness or general brattiness really shine. I think i will make that a separate post though.  As fate would have it - he called me out on this a few days ago, including some re-alignment for me, and the start of a discussion about it in general.   

As far as things he has required that leave me just flat - the 'no scratching in his presence, ever' thing is absolutely like that.  I itch - i do have bad skin, and i have, in the past, scratched my skin raw - so i know (partly) where he's coming from.  But there is nothing about this rule that i am able to find sexy, fun, kinky, happy, or controlling in that really good way.  I haven't even been able to feel it as his caring for me or a sacrifice i'm making just because he wants it so i like it because of that.  Nope - it's just silly and stupid and mean.   

1. Thanks mouse for the questions.  i think there will be more than one conversation between him and me about some of this.  

I have questions from PetalsMJ and Sir J still - I will get to those soon.