Sunday, March 30, 2014

speaking to him

This is the email i got from him....

"I would like you to wear the jeweled plug while you cook dinner. Please have it in for at least an hour.
Love you"

As i went to respond - the first (3 or 4) things my fingers went to type were smart-assed (or sassy or bratty - depending on your take on the whole thing).  Some wiser part of my brain stopped me from actually sending those things - but, sadly - it took me way longer than it should have to figure out how i could respond that would be appropriate...  

"Yes Sir"

Duh!   And also telling.....  

I use "Sir" when we are alone.  He only very rarely insists on that.  It is something I do - and it took me a long time even to trust that he liked it - because he so completely waits for me to do it on my own.   It would be infinitely easier for me to do if he demanded it; if it were required, it would be routine and automatic.  As it is, it makes me feel small and very, very vulnerable.  

We've never had any rules about my speech - at all - apart from normal civility. I joke, tease, i'm sarcastic and sometimes crabby and often sharp. We have (mostly) learned over a long marriage where the lines are for hurtful or cruel.  We don't go there.  But i do sometimes see myself joking and teasing and wonder where he wants the everyday speech line to be.   There's a balance somewhere in there between submissive, quiet, reflective and the real, live, joyful, engaged and engaging person he wants me to be.  

But...when i'm off or out of sorts, it flows from my mouth.  When my leash feels too long - i get - i guess bratty, mouthy; it's where i push when i push back.  Sometimes i feel like more explicit rules about how i speak to him or address him would be useful.  As if control in that area would keep me from ever feeling off balance or out of sorts. I think it's an active submission or unbound submission thing for him/for me though, something he wants me to handle all by myself - and to get it right.  

Actually - i know that's how he sees it.  He does see me, he sees what i do and how and most often he sees why.  And he expresses his displeasure when i go too far.  It is funny how being gagged and beaten and used in that detached, objectified way can be such a turn on... Or, if he begins by telling you you've crossed a line and he is not angry, but disappointed and wants to make a point - that gag and beating and cold, disdainful use can be heartbreaking.  


  1. Greengirl,

    It's tricky...when they don't demand, but just expect us to up and take the initiatives!
    But I've wondered, if those actions of quiet control, can be more long-lasting than at out right demand or order?

  2. Oh - absolutely! And it's absolutely his style - the way he wants it to be.... thank you.


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