I do have writer's block in a huge way - or maybe writer's ennui.

I'm still here and still trying to write because he has asked me to.  Not ordered or demanded - but he seems to know just when i'm ready to give it up and he tells me he appreciates having this kind of look into my head and that he hopes i continue.  And that is reason enough for me to keep trying.

I have disappointed him, and myself too, recently.  I want to make it all complicated and complex - but it's not.

I want the excitement back - the newness, the nerves, the flutter in my belly, the insane wanting, the arousal so strong it makes my skin crawl.  I want to be completely caged in his control and leashed to his side - preferably literally and metaphorically.  I want him to crawl into my head and take over - i want nothing but flitty butterflys and daises and maybe a stray unicorn to pass through my brain.  I would like to play all day - hard, soft, all the toys, all my fantasies, beyond all my fantasies, maybe afterwards some cuddles and sleep wrapped up in him, and some chocolate - all day, nothing else please, if i could.

I would also like my 17 year old body back, second chances at any of the bigger mistakes i've made in my life, winter to end exactly when i want it to, and maybe world peace as well.


So - yea - that's where I am......


I think the phrase you're looking for is, "Suck it up, buttercup."