I do have writer's block in a huge way - or maybe writer's ennui.
I'm still here and still trying to write because he has asked me to. Not ordered or demanded - but he seems to know just when i'm ready to give it up and he tells me he appreciates having this kind of look into my head and that he hopes i continue. And that is reason enough for me to keep trying.
I have disappointed him, and myself too, recently. I want to make it all complicated and complex - but it's not.
I want the excitement back - the newness, the nerves, the flutter in my belly, the insane wanting, the arousal so strong it makes my skin crawl. I want to be completely caged in his control and leashed to his side - preferably literally and metaphorically. I want him to crawl into my head and take over - i want nothing but flitty butterflys and daises and maybe a stray unicorn to pass through my brain. I would like to play all day - hard, soft, all the toys, all my fantasies, beyond all my fantasies, maybe afterwards some cuddles and sleep wrapped up in him, and some chocolate - all day, nothing else please, if i could.
I would also like my 17 year old body back, second chances at any of the bigger mistakes i've made in my life, winter to end exactly when i want it to, and maybe world peace as well.
So - yea - that's where I am......
I think the phrase you're looking for is, "Suck it up, buttercup."
Love the last sentence, but i understand the feeling.
ReplyDeletehugs abby
thanks abby - i guess most people would like a little escapism sometimes - i just need to keep it out of my real life.
DeleteActually, no…
ReplyDeleteyour phrase is too harsh for me.
I'm going more for, "oh, these phases stink! Have you ever noticed how they happen most in mid-to-late winter? Bring on some longer days!"
;-)
Jz - i appreciate the sentiment - and the gentleness - in this case (inside my head) a little bluntness is in order.
DeleteOh, I'd be satisfied with the 20 year old body...Nods. I draw the line at world peace though.
ReplyDeleteGood luck, buttercup. Seriously, though, that whole disappointment thing is a totally sucky feeling...
Yup - 20 wouldn't be bad either. So - you won't wish for world peace? Or you are opposed to world peace? Either way - you know this means you will never get to be Miss America - right?!? And yea - i have some work to do - not the least of which is getting my head out of my ass and just suck it up.
DeleteAt least the chocolate should be easy to manage.
ReplyDeleteThat's a problem though - enough chocolate to drown all the rest is really too much chocolate.....
Delete((((hugs))))) feeling a bit like that myself at the moment - the whole world sucks and every little molehill is a mountain, argh!
ReplyDeleteExactly - and it's my attitude - not really the world that is off at the moment - i have some work to do. I hope things turn around for you soon too. Thanks.
DeleteI think everyone I know is feeling the same. This winter is sucking the life and libido out of everyone. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and soon the tide will turn.
ReplyDeleteIt has been a particularly long and cold and gray winter, i know spring is inevitable - so i keep lookign forward. Thank you.
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