Friday, March 7, 2014

answers for mc kitten: our rituals my rules

My biggest rule or ritual has been in place since well before we were married.   I still don't know how he managed it because there was no part of me that would have considered the thought of submitting; we even  cut the word obey out of our wedding vows.  But i have never been allowed to wear clothes to bed with him, and for some reason, i went along with that all along.

Bedtime is our biggest ritual now, i must stand naked and ask permission to get into bed with him.  I'm not allowed to touch the bed or my body.  He sometimes inspects, sometimes tweaks or pinches, sometimes drills me on things i may have lapsed on, sometimes just makes me wait (our bedroom is damn cold in the winter)....   Often he's very light and even silly,  sometimes he torments me, sometimes he's exhausted and mumbles permission without rolling over, sometimes it's when he has my attention and uses it to make a point.

He canes me each day that he is home, the number of strikes equal to the date of the month, and cumulatively/retroactively for any days he was out of town (which he is most weeks).  I must, if he hasn't initiated it, ask him to do this. Early in the month it just feels silly - what do you do with 2 strikes of the cane? When he's out of town 3 days at the end of the month - the first day back makes a big impression.  Either way - it does reinforce all the things it needs to.

When he is out of town he leaves a t-shirt for me to wear to bed - one he has worn the day or two prior.  And he sometimes ties a leather strap around my leg while he's gone - for me to wear til he gets back.

I wear a necklace that no one would ever guess is a collar, but i'm not to take it off except to swim.

Then there are rituals that might actually be rules  - not sure: I make coffee for him each morning - or the night before if he's leaving very, very early the next day; I am to shave every other day he is in town and  always the day he comes home; i need to ask permission to play with myself when he's gone (and not play with myself at all when he's around); and i'm not allowed to scratch if i have an itch (dry skin itch -not that kind of itch) in his presence - this one is very hard for me - i have very dry, very irritable skin.

Those are the biggest - not a lot, but i'm very happy to have them.   There are probably other things that have become habit so don't really serve as rituals.

There are things that i think i would like, want, find comforting and grounding, that he has no interest in or does only occasionally: being plugged just because,  being told to wear cuffs or (leather) collar to sleep, but he only does those occasionally.  I like the feeling of sitting on the floor at his feet, he allows it but it doesn't do anything for him, it doesn't please him so there is no reason for me to do it.

In my silly little brain - there are many more things i often wish he would want - they change in my head with the wind and in the end - if he doesn't want them, if they don't serve any purpose for him - they are just silly and useless.

thank you for asking


16 comments:

  1. It is always very interesting to read about others dynamics....I find my rituals to be very grounding, and they are really helpful when i am away.
    hugs abby

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. abby - that's it exactly, although i have to cooperate with them - i have to accept them to be and mean what he wants them to or it all goes off track. Thank you.

      Delete
  2. The been worn for a while T-shirt...

    I love that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. monkey - yea - i love it too. one of my sons noticed a few times me wearing dad's shirt and decided his parents are just too weird for words - oh well....

      Delete
  3. Sounds like wonderful rituals and rules!!

    Hugs,
    Fiona

    ReplyDelete
  4. These are beautiful rules/rituals - I especially love your evening routine - just lovely! ava x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love it too - except when it's cold - which has been months and months now - our bedroom stays right around 12 C in the winter, it's hard for me to be pleasant when i'm that cold - of course - that might be the point...

      Delete
  5. Greengirl,

    Rituals and our little routines are quite important. Sometimes they float under our radar and we fail to realize they are a ritual.

    You mentioned in your post that there are things you wish he would do or require of you...Do you care to expand on those things (of course they change maybe even from day to day)? Do you have a wish list of things you wish he'd require?

    Is there anything that he has required or mentioned that made you feel like, "really?! You've got to be kidding!"

    Hugs,
    mouse

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. mouse,
      I didn't include specifics previously because - honestly - i still worry on some level that if i mention something he will do it because i asked or mentioned i want it, or that he will never do it because i mentioned it. i know - it doesn't make sense when i write it out either. So yes - i will get over myself and post an answer to your question. Thank you.

      Delete
  6. I loved reading this...rituals are a big deal to me, and Master. I have come to really love them and rely on them.

    I have a couple of questions for you (and forgive me if they are in your blog somewhere lol)...How has your dynamic changed the way you see your husband, if at all? And.. to piggyback Mouse's question...If you gave him a list of things you wish for, would he begin some because you needed or wanted them? petals xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Petal's MJ,
      Thank you. I don't think i have talked about how he has changed - i will think about that and maybe even ask him if he feels he has, see if how i see him having changed is in line with how he feels or not. As to the second question, some things he does, and sometimes that is great -and sometimes it makes me feel awful; other things he has never tried - and i wonder if he just isn't interested or if he avoids them precisely because i asked. I will work this into an answer post - it is one of those things i've made way to complicated in my head.

      Delete
  7. Does it seem odd that I find the no-scratching rule to be the most cruel and unreasonable thing ever? lol. I'm grateful I don't have that rule. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I itch - a lot- and i itch even more as soon as he walks in the room - of course. Yea - i hate this one too. I'm running out of ways to scratch without it looking like that's what i'm doing.

      Delete
  8. this was lovely!
    One of the first ways I showed him I was serious about TTWD was being naked in bed - all the time. I often was before that, just not every time. It was a visible confirmation of me telling me that I wanted to be always available for him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks. It's funny - over the years - i never refused - i joked, resented, complained, went along - but didn't refuse. You're smart - I needed a little more external motivation to remind me - i asked him not to accept no - ever again. That flipped a switch for me.

      Delete